Ideally Friends ..

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh?" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand. "I just wanted to be sure of you.



--
hamza ..

Hidden Words ..

And while we force them to say it .. We don't want them to say ..
For its better to hide and conceal the beauty than to bring out and
waste it ..
And one day sure we'll realize .. that shadowed beauty is even more beautiful ..

--
hamza ..

My Lump of Sugar counts to 10..

And then ..

Don't we have endless ways by which joy knocks at our doors ..

I feel so loved at the moment.. that one sweet lump of cuteness called
me by herself .. For the first time .. And kissed me with all her
strength and energy ..

She was in a perfect mood to talk .. And me .. I never mind listening
to that sweetness .. :)

It makes me ask myself ..Can it be more beautiful than this .. ?

No .. Certainly not :)

Babies .. :)


--
hamza ..

That Bare Truth ..

And then they'd come up with those words... Words that I fear the most ...
A few sentences I dread the most in this world..

A painful reality .. That they could have had a better life .. A
better match ..

I'm not worth them.. I know this thing so well .. Even if I would've
tried my best to meet the lines .. They could've still never crossed
..

And what's even more hurting is the fact that its that one truth ..
And I'm solely responsible for it ...

I made them lose that chance .. I really did .. And I know not what
penalty I need to pay for the thing I never intended to do ..

-Depressing Reality ..

--
hamza ..

A little Angel ..

To be honest, writing has become a little difficult these days ..
No matter how much I want to put down my thoughts, I feel short of time and motivation ..

But today, it was this tiny hand that held my little finger ..
She was asleep and was smiling, as her mum held her on her shoulder ..

That sweet smiling face and I couldn't resist caressing her cheek .. And pat she held this little finger .. Even in sleep she didn't let it go ..

And guess what ..

She woke up and instead of being angry that I woke her up.. She let out this cuteeeeeee smile ..

And I knew I'd lost my heart here ..


-too cute :)


Sent from BlackBerry®

Time ..

Its one of those days when I feel I'm helpless .. One of those days when I want to send out a scream .. At the top of my lungs ..

Having given almost every spare moment I have to the devotion I have .. I'm still being questioned ..

I hardly remember a day when I actually talked to mum for just about 10 little minutes ..

Into this, and I've lost almost everything .. Or should I say everything .. ?

For a fixed number of breaths everyday .. I still feel I'm short of a few more ...

Maybe I should quit ..
Or is it that I'm not trying hard enough ..

I'm just not me anymore...

Lost a very good friend in the process too .. Have I become too occupied ? I know not ..

I wish I had a few extra moments in a day for myself ... Because all I have, I've spent it either on work .. Or on them..

-Hurt & Helpless..


Sent from BlackBerry®

Tears and A Sinking ..

Its so strange ..

Strange this world .. When you realize this thing .. that when they mean the world to you ... When every moment they used to cross this mind ...
When you thought you were what its all about .. It turns out to be for ..

Some words do make us smile ... Some words do make us drop that tear .. That tear which we wished to hide forever within..

Its all about those words ..

Those words .. And this sinking feeling ..

-- Hurt ..


Sent from BlackBerry®

Madness ..

Fervor ..
Silence ..
Honking of the horns ..

A little thumping ..
A little confusion ..

A little piece of movement ..
An inch of a distance ..

And a little beauty ..

-kids .. :)




Sent from BlackBerry®

Sleeplessness ..

Keeping your eyes wide open for more than two days for the work you do .. The family you live for .. And the people you care about is like living on a roller coaster ...

Its fun in the beginning .. But you can barely stand your ground ..
hammering the head ..

-breathing, but hardly alive ..


Sent from BlackBerry®

Wasteful Eyes..

And then while I sat in this local travel from home to Thane station ..
Everything was calm and silent ... When a girl barely 18 stepped in ..

As I gazed around, unknowingly .. I saw people around with eyes beaming at her .. Eyes that had all that one should be afraid of .. Lust .. Or probably too much Lust ... I felt so down about what had actually happened ..

Talking to them .. And yet I was out of my own self .. Wanted to get up and slap each one of them ...

As she struggled her way to an empty seat just in front of me .. I got back to my own conversation thinking now everything was normal ...

Then suddenly a guy got up from nowhere and sat beside her ... I looked out of the window .. For I knew something was wrong ... He was staring at her like a statue .. She apparently was feeling awkward ... And I could feel it ...

Minutes later ... She stood up .. (Irritated) .. And moved out on the isle .. Looked around and found me sitting .. I tried to ignore ..

She walked back.. Sat next to me and called up someone to keep herself busy ..

I was not looking at her but the language was clear .. She was feeling relaxed ..

But this wasn't the end ... the guys behind and on the other end were no better .. I felt really pissed ... If only I could smash some of them clean ...

She held the belt strap of my backpack ... And now I knew she wasn't comfortable ..
I offered her the window seat and she more than happy to accept it ..

A simple little girl .. And such bastardly eyes ... This world is surely losing its way ..

--Sad because it happened .. Happy because I could be of some help ..

:)




Sent from BlackBerry®

Being Content and Proud ..

We're all weak .. We all lose some or the other time ... And we all
have hard times ... We all lose hope ...

But the greatest thing for the mind is to know that you have someone
by your side who knows how to come up from defeats .. To stand out
even in excruciating pain ...

They're the ones who'll guide us .. They're the ones who'll show us
the way .. They might not know how strong they are .. They might think
they're weak and helpless ... But that's what makes them stand out ..
That's what makes them reliable ...

Proud to have that one such being around ..

- prayers, blessings ..always .. and forever ..

--
hamza ..

Understanding People ..

You can never really know someone completely..
That's why it's the most terrifying thing in the world, really --
taking someone on faith, hoping they'll take you on faith too...
It's such a precarious balance,
It's a wonder we do it at all. And yet..


--
hamza ..

Self Realization ..

Above all else,
guard your heart for it affects everything else you do..

-Doctrine ..


--
hamza ..

Sigh..

It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness..
We have no scar to show for happiness...
We learn so little from peace...

-pity :(

--
hamza ..

The soothing breath..

No matter how hurt you are physically .. Sometimes even an abstract
touch of care eases the pain you are in ...

Feelling that care .. Is but inctedible ..

- Blessed Life ..


--
hamza ..

At You ..

an open book ..
yet a stranger ..
that's what i am..
to the world around..

i thought i knew ..
you more than anyone..
yet i know nothing..
beyond the word you...

i shared i cared..
as i got what i gave..
but still i lose out...
on the word called you...

i wait as the sun fades ..
to the moment it rises again..
yet i find it impossible to..
wait for the word called you...

i write to write the felt..
with ink and paper but just..
as i seat myself down ..
i stop at this word called.. you ..

--
hamza ..

Transforming Life …

In our Eighth Standard Science tome, the first chapter that we read
was about this element C, known as Carbon. When the molecules of
carbon are rearranged, we either get a slippery, soft and fragile
substance, Graphite or we get this rigid, extremely strong and highly
prized, Diamond. Physically, Carbon and Diamond do look disparate, yet
they are merely diverse expressions of the same prospective. It is
just similar to what people are despite they belong to the same genre,
to the same species, sharing similar yet rearranged genetic code.

Then what makes people transform and stand their own individuality?
What makes them different from others? Is it the physical features
that have an edge? Is it the material possessions? Is it the worldly
qualification that they've gained..? Obviously No !! the answer is
that with a little internal reorganization in their values, beliefs
and attitudes, is how people can be truly transformed into
individuals.

A well known fact is that a change in our perception can change the
definition of reality. Sometimes we perceive things, based on limited
knowledge even though the reality could be far beyond our insight. Its
true… we believe God works in mysterious ways, ways that are unknown
to us. We might opine about what the outcome could be of this deed
that we did, but the result astonishes us, before we recognize the
other face of the coin.


Here is the story of a farmer in China that will tell you about the
amazing transformation of a person:

A poor farmer in China was in great distress. He was a peace-loving
person who had to share a single room with four noisy roommates.
Besides, there were a couple of stray dogs and a few noisy chicken and
ducks in the neighborhood that made it difficult for him to sit
quietly or meditate.

Depressed, he traveled a long distance to his Zen master to find a way out.

Listening to his tale of woe, the compassionate Master said: "If you
listen to me carefully, I can try to see what we can do." The farmer
was all ears. The Master said: "Go back to your village and invite
inside your room the stray dogs, the chickens as well as the ducks.
Let them all stay with you for a week besides your four friends. Then
come back to me." Although he was shocked and surprised by his
Master`s strange prescription, the farmer reluctantly agreed to do as
he was asked.

The farmer came back after a week. He was in a pitiable state; his
hair was disheveled, his clothes were torn to shreds, his eyes were
red from lack of sleep and his body smelt of animal dung. He looked
tearfully at his Master and said: "The experience was worse than
hell-those animals and birds and their week-long company-let my fate
not befall anyone!"

The Master said: "Everything will be all right. Just go back to your
village and leave the animals outside your door-where they were
before. Then, come back to me after another seven days. "The farmer
again did what he was told. But this time when he came back-there was
a bright radiance in his face. His eyes shone and he told the Master:
"I have never known so much peace before. Just my four friends and I,
No animals in the room. We all slept well. And my meditation was
deep."

Many years later, the farmer himself became a Master. When people
asked him how he had found peace, he said: "The journey was indeed
memorable. It was like taking great pains in breaking into your own
house by climbing a ladder and smashing a windowpane-and realizing
later that the door of the house was open. All you needed to do was to
pull in the door towards you rather than push it."

The farmer in the story discovers something that was always present as
reality. Peace always existed as a possibility in his own mind. In the
process of this discovery he transforms himself. A traveler once said,
"We do not discover new land, we discover the old land with new eyes!"
When leaders undertake the journey of transformation they re-define
our view of reality.

Transformation is nothing but a process of renovation of people`s
spirit and psyche. And where does this start? It is believed that
conversion embarks on with a dialogue. In ancient times, Rulers used
to rove about their realms in masquerades, just to enquire about what
people had to say about the monarchy. If the feedback through the
conversation was credible, the monarch assumed that there was peace in
the realm. If not, then it was certain that there was snag brewing
within.

A change of heart in a human being is possible only when there is a
change in the internal dialogue of the person. Leaders do not compel
people to change; they merely induce the change process by changing
the internal dialogue within the person because it is believed that if
you wish to transform people allow them space and time to grow in
their knowledge. It is the only way to reach individual peace and self
realization.
Actually, why humans are called a superior race than other creations
is their thinking capability. If Gold becomes easily available just by
digging the ground, who will make riches out of it? Is it the ones who
dig deeper or is it the ones who dig wider? Well none, but the one
who'll sell shovels to them!!

We need to bring out the meaning of our relationships with the outside
word in order to penetrate deep within our own selves. We are
influenced when we are in a company because then we are being shaped
in the hands of the society of which we are a part. A log of wood has
little meaning unless it is carved into the shape of a boat or a piece
of furniture. This physical act of carving wood is preceded by the
arrangement of vigor in our consciousness that identifies with the
shape of the furniture.

Our life is a playground of endless potential. Life forever challenges
old forms of reality and old assumptions. Yet there is something
unchanging about life, which is change itself. To live is to embrace
change constantly. Change is inevitable. The only question is whether
we are the victims of change or the leaders of this change. It is
rightly said," Positive mindset is like a bird that anticipates light
at the end of a night and sings about sunshine even when it is still
dark!"
Tomorrow is nothing but a responsibility that we take on our shoulders
today and Today is nothing but a belief on our hard work that eases
this responsibility
…

As Always

For all the words unsaid ... The infliction goes beyond the limit that
this mind can tolerate ...

The irony is that for every little smile that we want on their face,
they have a hundred reasons to make us feel sad ...

And then they won't tell us why ..

-Infringed Smile

Good Times ...

Sometimes we do miss people who mean the world to us ...

Friends .. Family .. Life ..

And then we're helpless to reach out to them...

an all we do is pray for their smile .. For their well being ...

-Nostalgic


--
hamza ..

For An Answer ..

A girl .. Barely 9 years old .. At airoli station
Like all kids she could've been playing for a bright sunny day ... Its
saturday.. A weekend ... And when I thought I had no life left in me..
there's something about her that shook me ... Took me through a
different pain.. A different level of uneasiness ..

While I watched her from within the train .. On a bench she sat,
munching on something happily .. Steady and silent .. I smiled .. She
saw me, and she smiled back .. She was cute .. A blonde haired little
girl with a sweet expression ...

And as I decided to look away, the very next moment, I saw something
that moved me ...

The femur ... It wasn't there .. It wasn't ... She was without a foot ..
Could've been a rail accident ...probably .. Or a road mishap .. Or ..
What assumption could I make ... I was thunderstruck ..

A pretty little girl like her.. And an ugly long lifetime to live ...
And amongst this .. She still had a smile for everyone ..

There's so much of pain in this world .. And we aren't aware of it ...
Little and unworrying as she was ...
She was smiling at whatever she was munching on .. Waving her other
leg carelessly .. And occasionally looking at the people passing by
with the cutest smile I can ever think of...

10 seconds.. Probably 10 seconds, and I found out a bitter truth of
life .. That ugly face of the coin, that I pray shouldn't be shown to
anyone ...

Our pain is just a few words .. Her pain is a part of her ... Our pain
is the few missing gestures .. Her pain is the wheel chair ...

A night full of work.. Their thought and a worry .. And this blighted sight .. None
would let me sleep ... None ..

Sigh ..


--
hamza ..

Of A Nightmare ..

They know I do care.. And yet they do things that rip me through,
sending shivers down ...

I know they fear lightening ..
And now a travel alone ... to the city I fear the most ..

For all the tears that dried away, as if were not enough ..
I still have to drop a few .. But this time at my own helplessness ...

I wonder if this night's got any sleep for me now ... None .. I know..
and then .. who'll tell them what they mean to us and what it feels like ..

--
hamza ..

Something to Smile about ...

An empty train ..
A window seat ..
A slight drizzle over the greens ...
An occasiional shake like belly dancing..


Music ... And Memories ..

Freakin awesome combination .. :)

Sigh ..

Felt .. The air had that fragrance ... Or was it that one life breath ...

I know not ..


--
hamza ..

A Strong Belief ..

If our lives depend on things like space
and time, then when we finally overcome space
and time.. we've destroyed our own togetherness...
But overcome space, and all we have left is Here..
Overcome time, and all we have left is Now...
And in the middle of Here and Now, it is always possible that we might
come across each other once in a while..

That's why these stories don't have endings.. They
don't have endings because care doesn't end... It grows with time ..
It grows with space ...

And its hard pretending that we don't care... Extremely hard ..

If ever they knew ... I wish ...


--
hamza ..

Of Silence..

Sometimes it's not enough to know what things mean, sometimes you have to know what things don't mean... 

Often secrets are not revealed in words..  they lie concealed in the silence between the words or in the depth of what is unsayable between two people...

-Echo

--

hamza ..

Faces & Eyes..

You think you know someone by looking at his face ..

but what can one face say about the thousand thoughts behind those eyes... 

--

hamza ..

Caring ..

There's no fear in a shallow heart 
because the shallow heart is faint and doesn't fall apart, 

But feeling hearts that truly care 
are fragile to the flow of air..

- .. 

--

hamza ..

Sloppy Life ..

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures.. have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.. 

The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing.. not curing.. not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness... 

that is a friend who cares...

Such friends like our thoughts and our vision all were once strangers... composed of a certain constellation of ideas and feelings that surfaced from the depths of the distance within us ... 

Somehow at a particular time.. they came from the distance toward our life... Their arrival seemed accidental and contingent... 

but now our life is unimaginable without them. . Losing them is like losing our own self.. 

-and then..

--

hamza ..

Lively Indeed ..

"What do you like doing best in the world, Pooh?"

"Well," said Pooh, "what I like best-" and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called. 

And then he thought that being with Christopher Robin was a very good thing to do, and having Piglet near was a very friendly thing to have; and so, when he had thought it all out, he said, "What I like best in the whole world is Me and Piglet going to see You, and You saying 'What about a little something?' and Me saying, 'Well, I shouldn't mind a little something, should you, Piglet,' and it being a hummy sort of day outside, and birds singing and Dolls smiling."


-excerpt: Winnie the Pooh :)

--
hamza ..

Perseverance ..

I realized that the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His
letting us have our way in the end...
but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until
we are able to honestly pray what He taught His disciples to pray: Thy
will be done...

I can wait for a lifetime .. or even more .. without food, without
water .. and still won't feel ... because this waiting is better than
the accomplishment ... It makes me remember Him even more .. and more
...

Lets pray for the well being of every soul .. every kind of life ..
and pray for forgiveness and mercy ...

-food & fasting

--
hamza ..

Understanding Silence ..

Growing up means learning what life is..
When you're little, you have a set of ideals, standards, criteria,
plans, outlooks, and you think that you have to sit around and wait
for them to happen to you and then life will work..
But life isn't like that, for anybody.. You can't live in a criteria,
you have to live your life.. You can't wait for your plans to
materialize, because they may never materialize the way you think they
will.. You can't wait to watch your ideals and standards walk up to
you, because you can't know what's yours until you have it.. Always
take the first chance in case you never get a second one, but growing
up takes that even one step further.. growing up means that you have
to hold on to what you have, when you have it.. because what you have
is what's yours.. and all the ideals and criteria you have set in your
head, those aren't yours, because those haven't happened to you...
those are illusions ..

Yet, there's a second aspect to this .. You can go anywhere you want
to go and do anything you want to do .. buy all the things that you
want to buy.. meet all the kinds of people that you want to meet..
and learn all the things that you desire to learn and if you do all
these things but aren't deeply attached to the things you love, the
things you care about all the time.. you have still not begun to live
..

-Sweetness & Life


--
hamza ..

Sigh & A Relief ..

A single feeling of satisfaction that they're safe, is like a drop of
oil on a patch of dry skin - seeping,
spreading, and affecting more than the
original need... Soothing every bruise of worry with it ..
-Relieved


--
hamza ..

A moment of silence ..

.. For the pious one .. For the one with the lineage of pious ones ..
May the Divinity grant them eternal peace .. In the heaven abode ..

-Eyes Closed



hamza ..

..of Emptiness

Reality is, Hope and Despair lie in the same places...
And they're just a matter of perspective..
What changes your perspective, is your inspiration..

There is only one faith, one life and one little hope.
The rest is a few heartbeats and a few moments to breathe ..

-Souls

--
hamza ..

A Silent Room ..

A window pane, Thunder, Lightening, Rain, Silence ... Momentary
vibes .. and Memories

It will be 2 days and a year ..
Time to pray ..

-Thoughts beyond ordinary Thinking

--
hamza ..

Situations ..

No matter how much we care,
Sometimes we don't have the right to express it ..

-Blessings


--
hamza ..

Realizations ..

There's only one ear that will pay heed to your woes.. only one
fragrance that will never fade upon you .. only one eye that will see
you through the unforeseen.. only one hand that will lead you to
salvation ..

and this one, can only be felt .. it's Him .. the untouched Divine ...
the merciful ..

-Blessings


--
hamza ..

Impulses ..

There are things you do sometimes.. actions that you take by obeying
sudden impulses... without stopping for even a fraction of a second to
think..
and then you spend the rest of your life either wishing for that
moment again, or wishing that moment had never come...

-Dark Reality


--
hamza ..

Turning The Lights Off ..

One fine day, when I decided to sleep a little longer than usual ..
One day when I decided that I would take a little more time, something
strange happened ..
I lost those hours .. those precious hours of life ..

It happens sometimes that we wish for some things to happen .. and we
pray each day that one day we'll get what we long for ... But
sometimes we wait a little too much .. and sometimes a little too
early ..
We're not sure when it would happen, where and how it would take place
.. but yes, all we know is that it will happen .. and it does happen
.. and then the only thing that remains between us and this one big
opportunity, is our second thoughts ...

Second thoughts about 'what if', Second thoughts about 'when', Second
thoughts about 'what else' ..

In the process we miss out .. we lose this war .. that we've been
battling deep within ourselves .. with our own conscience .. and this
is where we are torn apart .. this is where we are broken .. silenced by our own self..

It's not that He doesn't listen to us .. It's just that He gives at
the time when He thinks its best ... and we the takers, don't have
hands large enough to take what is being offered when it finally happens...

We try to turn off the lights in our lives in downcast... not knowing our prayers
have an impact greater than we can ever imagine .. for He works in
mysterious ways.. He rekindles all the alleys that once belonged to
darkness .. Divine as always ..

Let all my joy, whatever little i have, be theirs ... Let all their
pain be mine ...
I Pray ..



--
hamza ..

Searching Solitude ..

Going back in time... I conclude, Desperate prayers may be an
indication of spiritual health rather than a sign of spiritual
deficiency...
It's only in the darkest hours do we realize His holiness.. His mercy ..

Been carrying it almost everywhere, all the time .. yet unaware.. and
untouched ..

-The Silver Coin & Rock Sugar..


--
hamza ..

Moments ...

There are some beautiful things in life that are there, all the
time... With each passing day, we come across something that makes us
smile .. Makes us feel alive ..

Yet, amidst this everything, there are some beautiful things that are
forever irreplaceable ..

No matter how much we try ..

-Miss Them ..

--
hamza ..

Living On The Edge ..

Every waiting day makes your life a little less.. Every lonely day
makes you a little smaller... Every day you put off your life makes
you less capable of living it...


--
hamza ..

Affection..

And today as I was stuck in a local travel... Something was pulling me
from behind ...
They were tiny little hands of a, hardly a year old, baby..

She was pulling on my shirt and when I saw her, her eyes gleamed ...
She stopped and stared at me so cutely that I couldn't resist but
touch her little fingers ...

She held my hand with both her hands ...
It was a delight to the eyes.. tender hands caressing mine ..
A puff ball .. that's what she was ..

And somehow babies do remind me of them ..they do..

-Care

--
hamza ..

Years ..

And while yesterday was a day full of activities ... First showers in
mumbai, A project interview and a selection... I had a few strangers
to discuss it with .. And I was wondering how the day went by last
year ...

An injured knee .. A long walk ... A conversation .. A caring voice ...

-Time

--
hamza ..

Sinking..

Prayers always have a greater impact .. a greater role in our lives
than us at large..
sometimes we are not there physically, but the folded hands in prayer
would mean more ... as they always have ..

Not a moment should go without blessings for them..
-I Pray

--
hamza ..

Reflections ..

It's funny how, in this journey of life, even though we may begin at
different times and places...
our paths cross with others so that we may share our love, compassion,
observations, and hope...
This is a design of the Divine master that I am in love with and cherish...

-Reflections Beautiful

--
hamza ..

Blessings ..

Go home. Lock yourself in your room. Kneel down in the middle of the
floor, and with a piece of chalk draw a circle around yourself. There,
on your knees, pray fervently and brokenly that God would start a
revival within that chalk circle.

I don't want easy answers or quick answers because I have a tendency
to mishandle the blessings that come too easily or too quickly. I take
the credit or take them for granted. So now I pray that it will take
long enough and be hard enough for God to listen to my prayers. I
desire his blessings as soon as possible to as long as it takes... for
i have been waiting for about a year now.. or maybe its been five
years now ..

Maybe too late or maybe early .. but your prayers are answered ... they are ..

--
hamza ..

Selflessness ..

The world is so empty if one thinks only of mountains, rivers and cities..
but to know someone who thinks & feels with us, & who, though distant,
is close to us in spirit... this makes the earth for us an inhabited
garden...

-Feelings


--
hamza ..

Divinity

"Wait on the Lord is a constant refrain in the Psalms, and it is a
necessary word, for God often keeps us waiting. He is not in such a
hurry as we are, and it is not his way to give more light on the
future than we need for action in the present, or to guide us more
than one step at a time. When in doubt, do nothing, but continue to
wait on God. When action is needed, light will come."


--
hamza ..

Bonds ..

A bond is pious, is divine when you know its been bestowed to you and
you know exactly what it accounts for in your life...
-Ability, Inability

--
hamza ..

Insomniac Ideas ..

"Growth in respect and love comes from a place of absence, where the
imagination is left to it's own devices and creates you to be much
more than reality would ever allow.. And you keep wondering if you
ever crossed their mind, because for you it happens all the time .."

-Heaven and Hell

--
hamza ..

Kerala .. :(

And that incredible feeling when you get 7 awesomely big injections
... And my mistake was that I had a little fever and cold ...

Cold .. :(

--
hamza ..

A Beautiful Excerpt..

Frodo Baggins: I can't do this Sam.

Sam Gamgee: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be
here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones
that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And
sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end
be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much
bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this
shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun
shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that
stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to
understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now.
Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they
didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: And what are we holding on to Sam?

Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr.
Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

--Lord of the Rings ..

--
hamza ..

Stray thoughts ..

There is a very saccharine relation between the things we perceive and
the things we perform and that is, we do not always follow the
intellect...

At times we contemplate more than we should actually do and thus we're
left stranded amongst our own thoughts …

This is true because the more we ponder over the things that bother
us, the more they start haunting us…

Understand this feeling … like when we want to make a choice about
going for something that has an equal percentage of failing as that of
completion… we think about it … ask others for suggestions and make
our own assumptions, good or bad, give it a thought again and again …
and then when we finally reach up to the conclusion .. We end up at
the same place again where we started from… "Confused" …

We at times forget what we thought was good and at times we forget how
we achieved it.. That's perhaps because we have no means to preserve a
log of the things we do… it's just we do, and forget..

We choose to back off from our rational dogmas and thoughts.. Just
because we think they've left us stranded… Not knowing that the stand
we took was actually a well-furnished design of the Divine architect …
maybe to communicate to us what we are as discrete think tanks..

But then, we still know this one thing .. and that is we can always
roll back our thoughts to the point where we chose them.. and take a
different route .. hoping that the things we missed out while choosing
this way would not be missed as much …

We're living a life without a purpose, trying to find the answers to
our questions. We're trying to know what's there for us and why we are
and what we are in pursuit of.. without knowing that the purpose to
life itself is a life with a pretty little smile and a few drops of
tears ..

Choose not the path that leads you away from the things you like.. for
distancing ourselves from the things that mean something to us only
fail us as humans in the long run..

Sometimes our thoughts do rip us apart.. but we know it's our own mind
that's making them .. and we pick what we want ..

Right or wrong, follow… follow your thoughts .. maybe they're right …
maybe they're the points of salvation for you .. maybe they're the
divine answers .. maybe they're right ..


--
hamza ..

Debt and Deliverance...

And then sometimes we want to give in to the expectations and faith
that others have on us .. A promise that we would be there for them,
verbally or in abstract makes them expect, and why should they not ..

A simple gesture, a smile, a stare is enough for the others to know
what they mean to us or what we mean to them..

But when gestures go wrong, all we can do is wait ... Though we know
not for how long ..

We only hope that we do not make people wait for too long that they
find no hope in us ...
For they will never show, and though we'll know but we can never show ..

--
hamza ..

Thoughtful thought ...

In the blink of an eye everything can change ..
So forgive often, and love with all your heart ...
You may never know when you may have that chance again ...
:|

--
hamza ..

Another day ..

And yet another day went by .. A day full of stupid ideas and
irrelevant thinking ..

I'm losing out on my thoughts .. The focus tends to have sagged and my
mind is all but exhausted of the new and happening ideas ..
I'm too courteous to cast away my usual self and this newly acquired
attire isn't why I chose to be as free as I used to be ..

Recognition is not the chief concern but even the basic ideologies are
being questioned and new and better ideas are being smashed..

I don't like being bound to things .. There are things I like to do
and I love doing them on purpose .. Being free from worries and smile
a little more everyday .. But this is not happening ...

The tragedy of life is that nothing comes easy and everything has a
cost attached to it ... Even a smile would cost you a million tears
... Even a single little smile ..

Those who we love to be with, will make us smile .. But not free ...
And those who make us cry will do it at their cost ...

Being jolly and courteous just isn't enough ... Just isn't ..
And maybe too much of recognition is not either ...

But then I'll never stop taking opportunities to thank this one pious
soul .. For the one who made me so much strong to face the world, is
now the only weakness left in me (forever) ..

--
hamza ..

The Question ...

Don't lose it all in the blur of the stars

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing

It's okay not to be okay

Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart

Tears don't mean you're losing..

Everybody's bruising..

There's nothing wrong with who you are...

--

hamza ..

Off the Shore ...

Belonging to a community of not so saintly people was never an
expectation.. Not when I arrived in this land of palm trees.. They
call it Gods own country, but I find no God who fills me with a sense
of satisfaction..
I probably left Him back home ..

Thinking about this, and going through some old scripts, I realize
what actually being a devotee is.. You leave no stone unturned..
There's no religious place that you don't bow before .. Humanism ..
That's what I'll call it ..

Here, you'll find no such exquisite ideology.. Technopark is a
material world.. With no scope of that spiritualism, that fevor of
being a die hard devout ... You're a machine .. And you have to work..
No matter what happens ..

A weekend that is washed away with the tides on the beach, is all we
have to boast about .. Rest, is just being material in every aspect ..

And then, its not just me.. Its everyone's story.. Its a song that
everyone is singing .. Its that one blood rush that makes you skip a
beat ..

And you ask yourself .. Are you the usual you, or just a shadow of
your remnants, which is bound to get washed with the new tide that
arrives ...

You're not the usual you, I'm not the usual me.. We're just not us anymore ..

Humanism, a lost keyword ...

--
hamza ..

A little piece of peace ...

Someone once told me .. If you're upset, just take your one hand and
hold it with the other, pretending the other hand is of someone who
you think cares about you all the time ...

At that moment probably I thought it wasn't a good idea and I didn't
let him complete what he was trying to say ... But today, as I did it,
I can tell you .. Hamza, it is incredible ... You feel you're in the
utmost solace and comfort ... Its an incredibly sweet feeling ...

An act that I understood nearly 3 years after it was being told to me,
I feel I'm way too behind by virtue of being kind than this pious
someone ...

Pious people do exist ... And I have seen one ... And it took me ages
to understand what being mean is ... :)

PS : pure thoughts ... Right from the heart ..

--
hamza ..

Burning the Midnight Oil ...

Communication skills are supposed to be a gift from her .. The one who
made me who I am today...
With every little quote, she changed my life and placed my thoughts in
new dimensions ... Dimensions that I could hardly think were possible
within me ..

And a few days back, I received an RL2 for the same .. Maybe I didn't
deliver to the mark, but yes they say I'm better ...

Technicality is a venture of which you will never reach the bottom ..
It is all a bottomless sea of ideas and innovation ... And to keep up
with it is what would keep you going ...

And the best thing about these days is the people I am surrounded by
... Everything is somehow getting better and better .. And probably
the best days ...

I was literally in need of this change .. And the rest ... Was nothing
..but burning the midnight oil ...

Life .. :)

--
hamza ..

Living with a Lump of Sugar ..

Sweetness .. that’s the name i have come up with to the latest love of my life .. And the reason, she would just smile at me whenever i meet her, whenever i see her… she comes running with open arms for she knows i would pick her up and take her out for some enjoyment ..

and that cute look that she gives when i have her in my lap.. its worth watching.. she would lean her head and smile …  pretty pretty smile .. and this is why I am her fan …

A perfect angel … the cutest lump of sugar ..

Adeeba ..

:)

Deeds..

Nothing in this world could be more soothing than words of praise from
the elders ... And when they come from someone who doesn't as easily
give them away... You're high in delight ...

Respect, that is hard fought, is always special and it is even more
special when you don't even know whether you deserve the way you are
being treated .. it is addictive and you don't want to lose it either
...

They say if you wish to excel in your life, you need to achieve the
highest level of prayers ... And they exist only in pure hearted
people ... And nowadays people with such purity of thoughts don't
really exist ..
However, there are these two classes of people who really could be a
blessing ... One is the kids, because they carry no grudges in their
hearts; and the other is the old age folk, because they carry
compassion and love of the Divine ...

You have seen this very old lady for quite some time and whenever you
see her, she has this angry face and is cursing almost everyone
passing by... You feel afraid of her and try keeping away from her
eyes ... But suddenly one evening you are walking along this road and
out of nowhere, with a walking stick in her hand she comes in front of
you, and before you could do anything she asks you for help in
crossing the road... (Though I don't really know why it always happens
everywhere with me) ..

You hold out your hand and she grabs you by your arm and you walk her
across with almost everybody staring at this rare moment...

She kisses your hand when you take her across giving you all the best
prayers she has in store ... She smiles at you which is so uncommon,
and touches your chin blessing you for your deed and then she when
she's about to let go, she prays for your prosperity.. and..
dreams...

You feel privileged ... But ...

Oh well never mind ..

:)

--
hamza ..

The Best Feeling ...

And she calls me Mamu, carefully moving her lips to make it sound
awesome .. Hahaha...
Incredible feeling this ...

Time has changed yet again... I'm feeling alive once more .. Like I
used to be .. When I had nothing to worry about .. Nothing to lose ...

Its been the best winter ever ... More than what I had ever anticipated ...

And there are even greater things that are coming around ... Just a
corner away ...
And here I am smiling all the way ... :)

--
hamza ..

The Freedom Of Choice ..

The end result of your life here on earth, will always be the sum total of the choices you make while you are here," said a wise soul, driving home the importance of making the right choices in life.
Do we really give importance to the choices we make every day in our lives, or do we function on autopilot? Aren't most of our choices motivated by our conditioning, our belief systems, and by what the people will think?

Yet how many of us really sit, and think our choices through? Aren't we swayed by emotions while making a choice? The world is in the shape it is today, because of decisions taken in haste. "Decide in haste, repent at leisure," our ancestors warned us, stressing the need of taking time out and making responsible choices.

A calm and collected mind thus seems to be ideal for making a crucial choice. Though one needs to consult near and dear ones at times, and move from emotion to intellect while making a choice, the highest choices remain those that are motivated by the soul. Managing our self thus means making right choices in tangent with the Higher Self.

Finally, the most important choice we can make is the way in which we choose to see life. If we choose to see ourselves as aliens, separate beings in a hostile world, that will be our destiny in the world of relativity. If, on the other hand, we choose to see the world as one huge unit, then naturally the actions that stem from such a choice will be of love and peace, for how can you hurt others if the others are part of it? Therefore, our choices made out of oneness will chart out a beautiful destiny.

As one gets into the flow of following the nudges of one's Higher Self, one slips into the enviable state called the choiceless awareness, where one just responds to the present moment spontaneously, without any preconceived ideas, where one's actions are directed not even by choice but just awareness. 

Till we reach the state where the chooser and the doer cease to exist, and there is only the soul witnessing the experiences it has created with life, we need to take small steps, aware of even the littlest choices we make. Choosing to shut out external noise once in a while and connecting to the stillness within, and thus choosing to connect to our Higher Self, goes a long way in helping us make all other choices.

When we choose to allow others to create their own painting on the canvas of life using their own colours of choice.. 

we truly choose to give the greatest gift to self and others, freedom, the birthright of every soul...


--
hamza .. :)

Smile.. It makes you feel Alive ...

Its been a long time when someone has actually smiled at me.. A
priceless thing it is ...
And the truth that nobody has that much of time for anyone .. For
everybody is busy in their own lives is what makes it special for
me...

When talking to people has become extinct nowadays ... What just
remains behind is this little smile that squeezes out all the burdens
of life from your over exhausted life ...

A simple conversation turns out to be a forceful one because we have
prioritized our solitude and overthinking over verbal exercises ...
Our ego has thrived so much in our minds that a simple gesture, a
hello to someone seems overdozed and forceful ...

We have forgotten the right principles of being open minded and the
virtues of being selfless...

And this is why I love kids ... this is what makes them special ..
They don't mind what we give them or what we take from them.. They
will smile always...
They will always have a smile on their faces for you ... And that
smile is always priceless... Always ...

I learnt from this little girl who is just about 9 months old ..
Adeeba ... I learnt from her a lot.. I learnt what being selfless is
... I learnt what being honest is ... Whenever I used to leave, she
used to watch through the window, peep through it and smile ...

Whenever I used to hold her, she would caress my cheeks and mutter
something with herself ... A language of honesty and care ...

She would crawl around and bring out all her toys and place them in
front of me, for me to play with her...

And then she taught me something that most people would only learn
through a 100 years of experience ... How to remain busy in your life
...
Yes, and I noticed it because whenever I would see her, she used to be
busy looking at things around, touching them, turning them around and
watching them all over ... And when she would get bored of it, she
would leave it and move to the next ... All with those tiny little
hands...

She would imitate my sounds cutely.. And would come to me crawling all
the way even if it meant coming down the stairs which is eventually
selflessness and pure compassion...

A smile is worth everything a person can ever possess ... It can bring
out the real compassionate being in you ... But what matters is how
pure hearted the person is who makes you smile..

Baby girls are always special ... But this one is a blessing ...
Though she is a neighbor, I feel I have a daughter of my own...

:)

--
hamza ..

Faith..

Faith ... A small word that changes the meaning of life itself ..
The feeling that steams the coldest parts of the heart with warmth and
satisfaction... The belief that helps the blind to see, the deaf to
hear and the dumb to speak ...
It soothes the wounds that even time can't heal...
I believe .. I have faith.. And this is all that keeps us going ..

:)

--
hamza ..

Salinity across the cheek...

Not everything is known through silence ...
Sometimes gestures too work.. Sometimes words too are required ..

Dreams just aren't enough ... Sometimes ..

--
hamza ..

Truth Relived ...

When another person makes you suffer, it is
because he suffers deeply within himself and that
suffering is spilling over..
He does not need punishment.. he needs help...

--
hamza ..

A Little Worry...

Sometimes you wake up realizing that the most
heartfelt feelings we had, have gathered enough weight and now have
become too heavy to carry..

It is not that we can't carry them forward.. But how much long can the
burden be stored and how much more do we need to wait to explain them
to people who have parted ways never to come back...

People come into our lives with a purpose, and
when that purpose is fulfilled, they are bound to take our leave.. But
there are a few who walk in and stay never to go back... Such people
share an emotional bond with us and a similar ideology that we
possess...

Such people are special and need to be caressed
through our entire lives ... Some of them become lifelong companions
and a few among them become the best of friends ...

The memories we share with such people become a course of our lives
and a mutual guidance leads us to the greater salvation than we ever
could expect...

When normal people leave, it doesn't matter a lot ... But when these
special people leave.. It creates a void ... A void that disrupts the
entire stratum leaving it vulnerable to pain and a never ending
need...

Such emotional bonds when broken, break the
trust we humans try and
develop on people.. On life ...

A Fathomed life, rolls back to the unfathomed ...
But it doesn't end here... The burden that it leaves keeps growing and
we keep sinking under it with each step that we take... And at one
point, we would give in and cease to exist...
The burden of care above ... And we, buried under it...

They won't know how much we care, and we won't show either...
And as our end nears with each passing moment,
the burden of care keeps on increasing, while our souls keep
evaporating with the silent tears...

And this worries me for I promised to take care of
the ones who are special ...
And a promise breaker is a shoe maker ...

Let my prayers be with you... Through thick and
thin... Blessings ...

--
hamza ..

Prayer...

Prayer is the verbal release of faith – a specific faith for a
specific purpose..
all based on a specific promise from the Divine...


--

hamza ..

The New Year.. An Old Story ...

Last year this moment I was thinking of putting things up that were
killing me..
but then what kept me away from the posts was the fact that I hated to
sit on the chair on which I used to sit and do things that only were
meant to please someone, a dear friend, someone whose presence meant
everything ... even if the entire world was against me, I knew I had
someone by my side who would say I was not wrong ... and who
constantly inspired me to do good and be strong...

Time takes turns and turns change our course.. Once I was told I had
taken place of a very good friend and then once I was made to hear I
was nothing and people can only stay in other people's lives until
they need them... then they throw them away like garbage...
I understand all the situations that led to this final outcome and I
legally understand why they chose to remain silent when silence was
not the answer..
Silence is golden.. But when we have so much to say and we can't find
words to express them through...
Silence is a poison otherwise when we have nothing to say at all and
the eyes are moist with memories and foggy with care..

This year too like last year, I will have nobody to wish.. And
probably nobody will wish either..
Because the ones I had called friends insulted the much respected
possession I ever had in my life and then thereafter I kept on losing
people around me like sands oozing out through the fingers...

Maybe I was trying to close my fist a little too tightly and in the
process I forgot that keeping it lose was the only way to save it ..
There is no new year for a person like me now because I have learnt
you only are cared until you care and when you stop showing your care,
you are left to ruins ...

Wondering how Khola Ma'am would have responded to this one.. I bet she
would have had an answer for all this because she knew everything, she
knew just everything...
Starting my new year with a sob was never a plan ... but this bloody
time, the end of the year ... Always makes me hate the way it ends ...
even if you might have laughed for all the year round ... but this
last night always makes me remember people, the care and the smile ...
I thought I was friends with you my Lord ... but you too are like a
fake friend ... blessing me, guiding me, holding me and at the end of
the day, leaving me with a tear in my eye ..

It was Ma'am who left me in 09 ..
It was the result that broke me in 10..
It was everything I lost in 11..
And it is everyone I lost in 12 ...

Sorrow isn't that hard to live with, when you have people to share
them with ...
But My Lord, you put me to a greater test,

I miss you, and I miss my smile...

Wanted to wish everyone, but then I'm not allowed and I know not why...
Maybe because...
"Some can never wish back and Some will never ..."

Still, Happy New Year to you … You always mean a lot to me ..


--
hamza ..