The New Year.. An Old Story ...

Last year this moment I was thinking of putting things up that were
killing me..
but then what kept me away from the posts was the fact that I hated to
sit on the chair on which I used to sit and do things that only were
meant to please someone, a dear friend, someone whose presence meant
everything ... even if the entire world was against me, I knew I had
someone by my side who would say I was not wrong ... and who
constantly inspired me to do good and be strong...

Time takes turns and turns change our course.. Once I was told I had
taken place of a very good friend and then once I was made to hear I
was nothing and people can only stay in other people's lives until
they need them... then they throw them away like garbage...
I understand all the situations that led to this final outcome and I
legally understand why they chose to remain silent when silence was
not the answer..
Silence is golden.. But when we have so much to say and we can't find
words to express them through...
Silence is a poison otherwise when we have nothing to say at all and
the eyes are moist with memories and foggy with care..

This year too like last year, I will have nobody to wish.. And
probably nobody will wish either..
Because the ones I had called friends insulted the much respected
possession I ever had in my life and then thereafter I kept on losing
people around me like sands oozing out through the fingers...

Maybe I was trying to close my fist a little too tightly and in the
process I forgot that keeping it lose was the only way to save it ..
There is no new year for a person like me now because I have learnt
you only are cared until you care and when you stop showing your care,
you are left to ruins ...

Wondering how Khola Ma'am would have responded to this one.. I bet she
would have had an answer for all this because she knew everything, she
knew just everything...
Starting my new year with a sob was never a plan ... but this bloody
time, the end of the year ... Always makes me hate the way it ends ...
even if you might have laughed for all the year round ... but this
last night always makes me remember people, the care and the smile ...
I thought I was friends with you my Lord ... but you too are like a
fake friend ... blessing me, guiding me, holding me and at the end of
the day, leaving me with a tear in my eye ..

It was Ma'am who left me in 09 ..
It was the result that broke me in 10..
It was everything I lost in 11..
And it is everyone I lost in 12 ...

Sorrow isn't that hard to live with, when you have people to share
them with ...
But My Lord, you put me to a greater test,

I miss you, and I miss my smile...

Wanted to wish everyone, but then I'm not allowed and I know not why...
Maybe because...
"Some can never wish back and Some will never ..."

Still, Happy New Year to you … You always mean a lot to me ..


--
hamza ..