Swords & Words ...

Sometimes we flow through our own nerves ... We lose people who matter
the most .. We make foes our friends and friends our foes ..
We lose love for hate and hate for love ..
We wrong people who do us right and right ones who do us wrong ...

We're humans .. We do mistakes .. We do, We repent, We learn ..

We're not wrong always .. Sometimes we just are not us ...

Hate this feeling ..

--
hamza ..

Silence In Words ...

We are the face of a burnt coin.. Engraved yet dark... Unseen yet there ...

We are the soul ripped into pieces of a puzzle .. Separate yet fitting
perfectly ..

There are days we might say the lines are not visible, the pieces don't fit ..
But isn't that too little for the larger truth that prevails ..

A rough road is patched .. Not abandoned ..

A barren land is watered .. Not cast away ..


--
hamza ..

Eager ..

Water was never left unused as has been for all this time now ..
2 days .. 2 nights .. And Hunger and Thirst.. They're down to nothing ...

Which one will win this now .. breath or breathless ..

Fingers crossed ..


--
hamza ..

Life Lessons ..

Finish each day and be done with it..
You have done what you could.. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt
crept in; forget them as soon as you can..

Tomorrow is a new day..

You shall begin it sincerely, piously and with too high a spirit to be
encumbered with your old nonsense, old immaturity...


--
hamza ..

Complaining Voices ...

An infamous writer once wrote .. "To be told what to do and to do what
needs to be done are not two sides of a coin, they are different coins
.. "

And in the present context, it means when one is helpless over an
issue, one cannot suggest a solution.. Neither can one ignore the
issue .. And this is where the conflict arises..

A voice tone suggests what the intent is .. As the tone, so the intent
.. A pleading tone would mean they need something or are in need , A
violent tone would mean they're angry and A "flat" tone would mean
they only need someone to hear them out ..

However, one must never mix them.. For the listener not only gets
confused, he also considers the thing irrelevant ..

People communicate to express themselves to one another .. But when
the expression goes wrong .. Things fall out of place ..

A discontent and annoyed tone cannot and can never mean "just hear me
out" .. It may mean "I need you to act" ... And what if the listener
can do nothing ..?

Irony ..

Words.. Words and Words ...

--
hamza ..

Coming Back to You ..

Its been a year I guess ... Yes ..
And today again, I feel like I'm stranded on the crossroad where it
all began ...

One year earlier, I landed here in Mumbai... Carrying with me a card,
a curiosity, a dream and .. That moment of silence ...

They say this place changes your fortunes .. And maybe it does ...
Maybe it did ..

But does it reverse ?

I'm In In A Deep Thought ..

--
hamza ..

When It Was ..

I had that one beautiful soul near me .. Near as much as I always wanted ..
And my mind became corrupt .. Materialistic ..
For this world became too large .. The after too small..

They say you know the worth of something when its lost ..
I lost it .. I found it .. And I lost it again ... And this time forever ..

For I never could capitalize ..
When it was ...

But I'll keep my this promise alive .. To cover up all others ... 5996
days to go ... 5996 days to life ... 5996 days to me... The one I lost
... 8343

--
hamza ..

It was ..

Once so close .. Then so far ..
Then so close .. And So far ..

So much to share .. So less time ..
So much to show .. So far the distance ..
So much to care ... Yet so much indifference ..

Miss being in that care ..

--
hamza ..

I am .. Or .. Am I ?

I just wonder ..
For all these years.. What I considered a grave sin .. A cheap bate ..
Suddenly has become a part of me ..

I wonder have I chosen to be like this or has fate made me like what I am ..
Though I believe fate is never responsible for anything that happens
to us and that we and only we are the bridges of our own bad .. This
leaves me no option but to accept that I have been the sole proprietor
of my actions without aa second thought ..

I named them bastards.. Those who I considered .. And now I'm one
among them ... Cruel, mean, irresponsible, a criminal ..
I wish for myself the same as I used to wish for the ones who commit
heinous crimes ..
Yes I am a criminal by law .. I have sinned .. And I deserve to be
punished .. Both here and hereafter ..

Let this new year of my life be as short as a breath .. For I have
sinned beyond repair .. Beyond repentance .. Beyond ones perception ..

I'm that one devil who should be slain to death .. For my sins have no
repentance .. Have no repentance ..

Have no repentance..

On this first night of my silver jubilee breath .. I demand death ..
For I cannot continue to live and commit more ...

Lord .. Save me ..


--
hamza ..

Lost Tides ..

If at all hopes meant success .. We would all have reached that
logical ends to the things we keenly are in pursuit of ...

If only there was a way to make that abstract goal materialize .. We
would have lived in cosmos and utopia ..

There's so much we pursue.. So much we perceive .. But so less that
seeps through and out from the imagination into the skin of reality
...

There's just too much of anticipation .. For those little ambitions ..
For those feeble ideas ... For those broken dreams ..

For that one soulful life, that we all want ...

There's just so little contentedness... And too much of mourning for
these Life goals unachieved .. Dreams dead before the eyes ...

A broken reality ...

--
hamza ..

And Again ..

How I wish I could get him back .. The one who I used to be ..

How I wish I could make amends to the broken legacy that I made ..

How I wish I could undo the done .. The things that I'm not known of
.. Things I never thought I'd do ..

How I wish I could get him back .. The one who was alive .. Who was
real .. The one who had powers to abstain and understand .. Powers to
foresee and foretell .. Powers to explain the things that had no
explanations..
How I wish I could bring back the respect for that pious one who I've
defamed ..

How I wish I could be who I was .. Be who I used to be
.. Be who I'm known for ..

Patient and Silent ..

I wish ..

--
hamza ..

Reminiscence ..

And while you're trying to keep yourself thoroughly busy with
nothingness .. You're actually trying to run away from that real truth
.. That you're missing those you are fond of ..

You'll be all occupied to the fun that's happening around .. Yet your
soul would still be stuck up with the thoughts of the loved ones ..
Friends .. Family .. Life .. Everything ..

And this I realized .. Now .. For even when I'm occupied in my world
.. My soul is drifting astray .. In all directions .. Searching ..
Waiting ...

And why do I wait .. When I know Im at fault ..

But its really imposs to go without those people ..

Befits ..

"mujh ko jinhone qatl kiya tha .. Koi unhe batlaye nazir ..
Meri laash ke pehlu me .. Vo apna khanjar bhool gaye .. "

Dead yet Breathing ..


--
hamza ..

Thoughts ..

And then where do we come back when we have nothing in hand ..
Our Notebook ..

Having missed out on a larger part of the story, I have finally come
back to where I belong .. The thing that will nevet leave me .. To a
friend who always has been next to me ..
Writing ..

Last year was a happening one .. Moments that I will never forget ..
Things that I'll never want to give up ..
January to March .. A quarter full of travel ..
March to June .. A company that was amazing .. Real friends, and an
amazing time ..
July to september .. Months of joy and solitude and peace and bliss
and togetheress and tears and laughter and silence and life ..
October to December .. The weakening of consciences, the loosening of
bonds, the closing in of satan, the uprooting of a sacred and pious
relation ..
January to March .. The way the things went, eventually gave way to
hatred for me .. And I deserve it .. I deserve to be hated .. As of
now, yes I deserve it ..

As I go back home today morning .. I realise how lost I am, how empty
I am to the world around .. I am not who I used to be .. I am not what
I once was ..

A year or two, they say, will change you completely .. Completely for
the better ..
But here the situation seems otherwise ..
Am I still me ? No .. I guess I'm not ..
Then who am I .. What am I .. ? For that I just remember this ..
" I walk around in search something ..
I walk aroung searching for me ... "

--
hamza ..

Free Living.. High Thinking..

Before I begin .. I must say I'm sad .. Yes, because I'm of the same
race ... And I am somehow shamelessly pointing this when I know where
I stand ...

I want to talk about it.. To the general masses, to the people who say
they care.. The ones who speak aloud about human welfare and right to
live ..

It so happens that I find time to write because I'm flooded with hate
.. With disgust .. Because I've seen it .. I've been a witness to it
... And this thought that how I'd feel if the same happens to someone
I care, someone I know, makes me hate it even more ..

I've been a disaster this winter .. I know, for I've done things that
I once thought were acts of total vulgarity and disgustingly
unacceptable to the conscience inside of me .. And I hate it, I
really am ashamed..
While my inner conscience strives to make an impact, the dark hour
seems to dim all the hopes I have ..

I want to talk about it .. But to whom.. I know not ..

And coining back to the moment, which makes me write this piece is
those two shameless eyes, that were staring at two innocent souls..
With an intent that I can never explain .. Maybe never in words ..

This local travel has become the home ground of illicit activities ..
And while the common crowd knows it all.. They hardly bother to raise
a brow ... Raising a voice is only secondary ..

For this 30 minutes, I could sense my soul was being tormented .. Of
the most gruesome behavior my eyes have ever seen ..

I can close my eyes to it, play as if I didn't see anything .. But
there's this one voice that's ringing.. Scaring the hell out of me ..
"What if it happens to your own sister" ..

Live and let live ..
Please ..

--
hamza ..

Bliss .. And a little confusion..

Another beautiful day ... A once not so beautiful place suddenly has become a happening place .. The place to be ..

With Mum and Dad chilling at home, i'm here in bangalore .. Doing nothing..
Though at times I miss work, honestly, but still getting so many days off is worth more than anything close to a lifetime..
If life was somewhere, its not here.. Definitely not there either.. But I guess its somewhere in the middle..

-lost between north west and south..