I am .. Or .. Am I ?

I just wonder ..
For all these years.. What I considered a grave sin .. A cheap bate ..
Suddenly has become a part of me ..

I wonder have I chosen to be like this or has fate made me like what I am ..
Though I believe fate is never responsible for anything that happens
to us and that we and only we are the bridges of our own bad .. This
leaves me no option but to accept that I have been the sole proprietor
of my actions without aa second thought ..

I named them bastards.. Those who I considered .. And now I'm one
among them ... Cruel, mean, irresponsible, a criminal ..
I wish for myself the same as I used to wish for the ones who commit
heinous crimes ..
Yes I am a criminal by law .. I have sinned .. And I deserve to be
punished .. Both here and hereafter ..

Let this new year of my life be as short as a breath .. For I have
sinned beyond repair .. Beyond repentance .. Beyond ones perception ..

I'm that one devil who should be slain to death .. For my sins have no
repentance .. Have no repentance ..

Have no repentance..

On this first night of my silver jubilee breath .. I demand death ..
For I cannot continue to live and commit more ...

Lord .. Save me ..


--
hamza ..