At You...

I had begun
To live ... To live...
With you in me...
I had begun
To learn... To learn...
With you in me...
I had begun
To find peace... Peace...
With you in me...
I had begun
To learn how to smile...
With you in me...
I had begun
To understand myself...
With you in me...

And then you departed..
With everything..
Life has no meaning...
The smile has no reason...
There's no talking to you...
There's no peace inside..
There's no place to hide...
You walk past me...
You ignore my gesture...
I've lost my reason...
My tears too have abandoned ...

I try to stabilize...
I try to seek solitude..
I try ... I try ...

It's only a matter of time..
For you .. But for me..

When I see you...
Everything seems to stop...

My smile... My thoughts...
My mind... My heart ...

I just stop ...
Stop at you...

At you ...

--
hamza ..

The Storybook...

They say, everybody has a yarn to tell… everybody has a tale confined
within the ramparts of the heart..But little do they know that not
everyone has a story, not everyone has a tale…
Some people come and go and yet they have nothing to say, nothing to
hide, and nothing to prove… they just arrive into this world, breathe
and exit… This class of people has this inimitable trait that they
live and die; and the world by no means comes to know about their
existence…
And there is another class of people, who live and make the best out
of it… and this is the typical category of people… they have a unique
story about themselves.. a matchless, a different and an exceptional
story to tell… and it is this class that is usually gifted with the
potential to do great things…
But… there is another class of people who walk on this planet… a very
distinct and rare number of people… who do not do great things… who
don't want their presence felt… who don't wish for great feats under
their belt… yet, they become special… because of one good reason… And
that is…
"Their life is no story… Their life is a story book … and every page
of it has a different story to tell …"

--
hamza ..

The Last Resort...

They seem like a dream... the recent course of events...

Never did I know that this Divine, wanted to shower the joy He had in
store for me all at once...

that I get what I desired so that I could never ask anything from Him
ever was what He wrote my fate...

Little did I know, that the joy He had for me was merely for the
shortest duration... The sun above me was there for the last time in
my life...

The bright days are gone, the light has extinguished...

The smile has faded, so has the beat...

The feeling ends... and so... does my life...

--
hamza ..

The Smiling Moon...

It is said that the moon brings fate along for everyone alike…
It is a good omen for some and a bad omen for others… but yes, it does
bring it alike to everyone…
So what actually makes the difference??
It lies in the fate itself…

Actually everybody's fate is related… This means that fate is supposed
to be relative in nature…
For instance, it can be the fate of two businessmen… the fortune of
one can prove a stab in the belly for the other… or it can be like
that of an exam, where if one doesn't top the charts makes someone
else do it…

Fate is thus a relative concept… which decides who will flourish and when…

But this Mr. Moon knows it all … it carries with it, everyone's future…

The faces it makes each night explain what actually will happen in the
near future… and do we ever pay attention to it???
the answer is No .. a big NO …

And yet, when we do pay a heed to it… it explains every story… in the
proper format, in an apt flow…

And when this Mr. Moon suddenly disappears from scene… we should infer
that something is not going as desired and some detail from our lives
is missing…
If we try and make amends and get to know what this missing thing is,
we will get him back right there, smiling at us the very next night …

Finally, we will have him in the proper charm… in proper fervor…
But, first the priority should be try and break the painful dark night
and expect a morning whose night would be enlightened with this
smiling moon…

--
hamza ..

Each Day, I die A Little Inside...

It's going to take a while…
Just to feel this sunlight on my skin…
Because I've been hiding in the darkness…
Behind a door that no one gets to come in…
And I'm not sleeping …

It's going to take a while just to notice …
This empty space by my side …
Because I've been dwelling on something…
And struggling to find some air to keep alive…
And I'm not sleeping because of you …

I've been dying to know what's on your mind…
10 days, and I've been dying to hear your voice…

It's going to take a while just to take it in…
Because everything's moving so fast …
It's going to take a while just to break you in…
And I've been hoping that this love was built to last…
And I'm not sleeping because of you…

And if I had a choice…
I'd make some noise so the world could hear me…
Could they hear me now that my feet are on the ground??
And I'm wide awake, I'm wide awake tonight…

I've been dying to know what's on your mind…
10 days, and I've been dying to hear your voice…
And I'm not sleeping...  anymore…

--
hamza ...

If Only ...

If only you saw what I can see...

You'll understand why I want you so desperately... 

Life-Shifting...

One of the most difficult aspects of "Life-Shifting" is letting go of an identity to which we have become accustomed, even attached... It feels like death... Not the real thing, perhaps, but in the moment, pretty darned close... 

Truth is, we like to KNOW who we are at any given moment; we like to be comfortable with the role we are playing, and especially as humans, we desire to fulfill our desires desirously... Surely, this is true for many reasons, but one of the main ones, I think, is that making room for a new identity requires us to let go of an old one... And letting go in many ways resembles the experience of death... Even if it is just a little death, as Stephen Sondheim sings, "It is death nonetheless... Painful... Sad... Hard..."

But very necessary... How else can we welcome in the sense of possibility, the energy of creativity and spontaneity, if we don't step off the comfortable plateaus of identity that we build for ourselves? Sure, in moments when life suddenly shifts and doors open to new possibilities, it can feel exhilarating and fresh... But it can also feel terrifying and frightening, as we step out of our known frames of reference and dangle precariously in the unknown...

There are instances when we feel dejected and alone … when we find nothing as perfect and hopeful as it was sometime ago … there are times when we decide on giving in to the ambitions, and suddenly decide to give up on them … there are moments when we realise that being silent over an issue is better than to speak up and make them worse… there are moments when we stumble upon our own words and lose on our identity for the sake of that one soul …

We do a lot … a lot … and everything to just make things work… get the tough going … just to realise in the end that what we are upto… does not exist…

The life … halts again … but this time, it is not the one who you wished to be guided by… it is who you wished to enlighten your way… a death of your hope …

Life still has a long way to go … but at the moment, the road is engulfed by the darkest of times… while we sit in anticipation … 

--

hamza ..

Someone Quoted ...

never ask, never presume, never anticipate ...

you are unique in yourself ...

every tear is just so priceless ...

lament little for even the slightest thing ..

because,

 

hoplessly, the hope is that ..

we have so much to feel good about ...

 

--
hamza ..

Teardrops...

The eyes will show it all .... 

what the words could never describe ... 

The depth of this pain will be visible ... 

when you look into them for once ... 

The eyes, yes they have dried ... 

for they have lost ... and endlessly cried ... 

If only you could come back for once... 

how i wish i never had let you go ... 

Wish you could see what i have done to me... 

if only you could ... if only ... if only .... 

--

hamza ..

Stranded...

You left me when i needed you the most.. when i left everyone for you...

You left me stranded .. took away my only hope for existence ... 

but when i see you smile now.. I feel you did right ... 

because you had to move on... you had to move on ... 

It's only just not even once did you realise... 

that i'm still there where you left me ... 

helpless and ... alone ....

 

Upshot ...

The beauty of your life lies in imparting peace to them,

while proffering to take their anguish in return...

--

hamza ..

Silence ...

What is silence??? And what is our connection with it???
Silence could have a different meaning for different human beings...
While to a child it could mean minimum of noise that doesn't break Mom's
disturbance barrier, to a mother silence becomes urgency, difficult to
maintain as she goes about her daily chores over the sleeping
infant... Between lovers silence could vary from an affectionate
communion to going speechless with emotion over inability to express
their hurt... In couples it could mean a sulky standoff or a cold war
or a mutual understanding as they feel totally at ease in

togetherness... To a warrior or a soldier, silence could be both a
premonition of a looming attack and a truce with the enemy...
Is silence mere noiselessness???
Can absence of noise be called silence???
When a teacher raps her class to hush and says, "Silence, please!"
Does she mean silence or merely asks them to sit quiet???
There have been times when I have encountered silence in the
disturbingly chirpy sounds of birds at dusk...
There were moments when I glimpsed deep silence among the blaring
horns of the rush hour traffic in the Capital...
Ever heard the silence in a musical note???
Silence, it appears, has no persona of its own except what one's mind
gives it...
Thus we have bestowed many adjectives on silence... Stony silence,
disturbing silence, deathly silence, impregnable silence, hushed
silence, pregnant silence, musical silence…
But this is only in the material world... When we rise above the
earthly silence, we move towards a silence that needs no adjectives...
It is just silence—deep, enriching, absolute... This silence alone has
meaning, where one becomes silence itself... Rest all becomes
redundant...
It is amazing how eloquent could silence be...
And humans, it seems, have an intimate connection with it...
It keeps coming to us in many mysterious ways... Somewhere deep down,
in the farthest recesses of our consciousness, we have a deep
connection with it...
We are unable to understand it or reach it, probably because between
silence and us we have erected multi-dimensional walls...
We almost try to deny silence, which is the core of our being, even defy it...
In fact, most of us seem to be quite comfortable with noise...
We seem to fight silence… and even defeat it…
For don't we announce our arrival in this world with a loud, piercing
wail...???

--
hamza ..

Irony ...

And look at this ...

Something is just a few yards away ....
and i'm not allowed to have a glimpse...

Something is just a dial away ...
and i'm not allowed to make it ...

Something is right within me ..
and i'm not allowed to touch it ..

Something is within my eyes ...
and i'm just allowed to drop a tear ...

no matter how much i try to be there...
Something still abandons me at will ... 

This Road ...

Ever wondered as to why we cover only the distances and never displacements ???

Right now, I walk this lonely road .. with my eyes all glued to the

farthest spot that I can see ..

There is this wild grass, weeds that block my sight beyond ... It's the

onset of yet another beautiful winter and everything aronud me has

somewhat been baked to golden-brown shreds ...

The air seems to be blessed with a strange silence and it is it's

movement in these tall bushes that produces a strange sound ...

Everything around seems calm and in utter 

meditation ... Something, that I had never experienced before ....

and this reminds me of this

very point that has always haunted me ...

Distance or Displacement ??

It is actually distance that we cover yet to accomplish a shorter

thing ... the displacement ...

And what makes us do that ??

The human psychology states that, "quick and easy things are never

acceptable to the brain."

This means, that our brain calculates the amount of effort required to

accomplish a job quite early and if something comes before time, it

seems unacceptable ...

Until we strive for something, we don't find satisfaction ... and

making it correct after completely screwing it up makes us feel

content...

The rule of life,

"What comes easy is never what is required" seems to have taken every

soul for a ride... and in this we put in more than what is required !

Displacement is the straightest possible way to obtain/ accomplish

something but.....

We still choose the distance ...

Because, life itself has bends and we never know what lies behind that

bend that we percieve ...

--

hamza ..

It hurts more ...

It actually makes things worse inside ... when you are pretending to
behave opposite to what you actually feel ... when you cannot break
out of what silently binds you ...
Its impossible ...

--
hamza ..

Broken Pieces ...

Ever seen a cat nurturing its kitten ???? Not only is it soothing to
the eyes, it brings warmth within that we too are caressed and looked
after by the dearest ones around ...

it's a tremendous feeling to have that people care, for us... and the
heart melts away to pave way for these people in...

this little thing that we hold inside our mediastenum, the thing
called 'heart' knows just two feelings ... One being the warmth when
it lets people in, and the other being the sink when someone tears it
apart to leave ...

This means that the passageway to the heart is a one way ride ... You
can come in with ease, but you can leave only if you break it away ...

and while the stay within it can get you all, the exit will leave the
bearer moaning in an endless pain ...

so be nice, for those who let you in... and even more nice to those
who don't let you in... Yet, when you get in, don't break it ...
for heaven's sake ...

because...

"broken hands can work, but broken hearts can't..."

--
hamza ..

Decisions...

What on earth do people make decisions on and for ??? Why do they take
improbabilities and impossibilties into account before deciding on
something ?? How can people fall on a certain limitation too early in
life even when they know it can be better ??????????

These questions remain unanswered for every single soul that has been
under the fate and result of those hard decisions...
Decisions !! something that make us choose between what's wrong and
what's right; between what's good and what's better; between what's
correct and what's perfect; and most importantly between what is and
what is not ...!

Every little decision a human mind takes depends upon the state of
mind and a little thinking over the outcome for the near future...
This is the mindset every living thing that exists on this planet...
Consider the Migratory Birds for instance.... The decision that they
take to cover hundreds of miles and fly down south during winters is a
decision based on the reason of their survival... Something that is
required to keep them alive during the hard phase.... leaving their
beloved niche behind, just in search of warmer places ... A priority
based decision for life !!

Similarly, if the carnivores decide upon giving up feeding on the
lower herbivores for survival and move to a herbivorous instinct can
be a fatal one on their part.... The bacteria required to digest
cellulose is found only in herbivores which can never be harnessed and
possessed by the carnivores which will mean they cannot survive
without them feeding on carbohydrate products...

Decisions thus are prioritised and people decide on a thing only and
only on their priorities over the issue... A decision that is a hard
one to hear, is easy to make; while a decision which is easier to
digest is the most difficult to make...

The rule of the land is that we only take up a thing based on what our
mind prioritizes it into, and follow our instinct to reach a logical
conclusion; no matter what it might lead other people into...

A decision is a perfect decision only if the heart and mind
synchronise over it... And if not, going with the heart alone could be
emotional and going with the brain alone could be logical...
The emotional one though prioritized usually easy, is actually taken
considering the interest of others ... while, a logical decision which
is typically hard to take, is relativley more in the interest of the
decision creator and ........ *crying* ... the axe always falls on the
one who bears the decision ...

Someone's priorities over a thing become ultimately nothing just for
those hasteful decisions which the others take....

And with this while they think they'll get back on track, they make
this other lose the track forever...

And while they show beautiful things for a while, finally abandon them
forever ...

The Fact of Life...

Once Everything, Now Nothing...

--
hamza ..

...

The Silence that spreads seems colourless...
The world around seems all so empty,

The heart is all so heavy from within...
The eyes somehow have endless tears to spill,

Nobody seems to understand what i hold within...
Nobody seems to get whatever i try to convey,

Whenever i go through the happenings of this past...
I find a pearl emitted rolling along the cheek,

So many words said, so little to trust...
Never had i thought that it would all be an illusion,

The care, the tears now that all seem so fake...
Little does anyone know that i cry for real,

The beautiful times that just lived by...
Now all seem to have faded through with time,

Wrapped within were some secrets in me...
I regret I regret as to with whom I shared,

The era of that smile now seems so blurred...
And now even a glimpse will seem a dishonest one,

Helpless as now I stand with nothing to look upon...
I still wonder what else could I do to make it happen,

Everything I did seems so little now for it,
The thing I longed for seems all but never achievable...

And since
It all started with me, so will end with me,
Till then, my every tear will send blessings upon them...

--
hamza ..

Another Reality ...

when somebody comes in, everybody comes in...
but when one goes out, everyone goes out ...

people move in herds ... it's just part of life ...
lonliness is the only reality, rest is an illusion...

--
hamza ..

Bottom Line ...

The elixir of patience can gradually flush even the toughest of berms...

--
hamza .. :))

Unrest ...

The beginning of every desirous thing is miraculously beautiful ... It
is good to see things that we anticipate to happen, actually happen...
It enlivens us and seems to aggrandize every little aspect of this
special thought...

Nothing seems interesting after this little thing has begun to take
shape and grow... And to nurture its very existence becomes ones
prime importance... The experience of seeing ones dream turn to
reality is the last resort for anyone who has ever dreamt a thing ...

But the beauty of a tree lies not entirely in its growth ... It also
lies in the fate it will face ... If this tree does not bear fruit,
the cultivator as well as the tree would remain devoid of the very
reason of its development ... And if it does produce beautifully
colored flowers and consequently the sweetest of fruits, nothing could
be made to stand in comparison to such a thing...

We the humans... We are desirous of many things in our lifetime ...
Some get fulfilled and some just remain desires forever... And such
unfulfilled desires don't die down with age... They grow and become
motives ... Attaining them gets the highest priority for a strong
willed man...

There are not many who have attained their desires and there are many
who have lost their reasons in the quest ... But the will never dies
...

Until this desire is procured, the mind continues to process ways to
pull it off... A state called "unrest"...

It is the most dangerous feeling any man has ...
And this unrest is the reason why people begin to lose their reason ...

--
hamza .. :))

Phases of life...

There was a time when life was just life...

There were moments we wanted to stop forever...
There were days we cherish and long for....

Life was a pretty big bowl of roses to pick from...
Life was a basket of joy and emotions to choose from...

Every second that we spent, was a second so beautiful..
Every moment that passed along smiled along upon us...

Priorities remained little, everything was spontaneous ...
We lived life in a bliss of the spot thoughts...

But nothing remains forever in our hand...
Its like sand slipping continuously through...

We were alone , and will always be...
Rest is just an illusion, a method set by Him...

To remember and cherish all the good times ...
In the times when nothing goes good...

Until,
Life again becomes life...

--
hamza .. :))