You were always special ... My Destiny...

Each day that begins ... Begins with your name
every morning the first thing that comes to my mind is that smiling
face of that still, your only memory left with me. Every day I wake up
with a hope that I would be able to have a glimpse of yours.

Each morning when that wheeler departs and I look on helplessly, my
heart sinks a little, as the first phase of my quest drowns amid the
hustle and haste. At that moment, the only thing that comes in my mind
is to fling myself in the water channel that flows across and put an
end to the ever growing misery.

But, the next thought, what if I see you there, comes in my mind and I
back off. Then it all depends on the scenario as to how the day
progresses and how much I try for the quest to accomplish.

But today was a special day.....

I had my share of that glimpse and went back in only to find that my
destiny was following me right through and stood right in front of me.
A sudden rush of adrenaline and a hard thumping of the heart was all
that happened. And all I could do at that instant was to close my eyes
and pray silently for those eyes to remain as beautiful and me in them
forever.

Amen there and Amen here again for the purity of thoughts and for that
pure bond.

May 2, 2011


--
hamza ..

Thoughts within those thoughts ..

Sometimes ... All we want is to sit all alone in a corner and think
about whether the things that were important for us yesterday deserved
so much importance or ... We just gave them too much thought
unnecessarily...

And the heart says ... "Yes, they were really the best things ... Had
they not been there, you wouldn't have been what you are now..."

Sometimes somebody's prayers become so special, that they put you to a
course you could only dream about ...

Rare.. Precious.. Pure.. Dreams.. Thoughts.. Prayers.. Blessings..
Love.. Life .. Us ..


--
hamza ..

A Deep Feeling ...

I remember when I started this blog ... I had someone great on my mind
... Khola Ma'am .. And I used to write in her remembrance ..
I felt she wasn't well and soon I heard about her ... and the disease
she was fighting her life with ... God took her away from me ...
Forever ...

And soon it drifted ... To someone who was equally nice and pretty
interesting ... And someone who made me realize what life is ...

So innocent... So sweet tongued ... That I could hardly resist talking
for hours ... About the little things, the little but strange feelings
... The thoughts that came right from the deepest corner of the heart
... The honest gestures ... And a tinge of crude thinking ...

And I ... Somehow used to get those strange flashes of thoughts about
their well being, their presence, every little thing ... Just like I
shared a common string of life with them ...

And at the moment I remember that festival of colors ... The dream I
had and exactly what happened the next day ... Every bit of it was
like a rewind of the dream ... And when they fell down upon the thorns
... My heart sinked, for I knew it was coming ... And I could have
done something ... And that they said I should have ...
But, in this ... I always found myself helpless ... Wish I could have
... If only ...

And today, when I know something's not good... The ship is not steady
... I am helpless once again ... I'm running about the lawn ... Up and
down ... Thinking .. Praying ... Yet, I'm supposed to mind my own
business ... I'm not allowed to think ... I'm not allowed to say ...
I'm not allowed to ask ...
I asked Him for a glimpse ...
He took them away from me ...
God made them walk away ... And I ... I'm helpless as always ...

--
hamza ..

Autumn In Kashmir

Wrapped in a blanket, with the laptop in my lap.. I think about my childhood, and the way I spent it... 

When I was a kid, about five or six years old, I liked spring season the most. The reason was simple... it was neither hot nor too cold … the perfect season for me to play in the sun and not feel exhausted at all…

Spring in Kashmir was the only time when nobody asked why I was out there in the sun or why I was playing so much...

This continued till Eighth grade until I was drifted to books forever …

Tuition…School…Home… Tuition …. School … home …

This was my life … yet spring was always the favorite because it meant more work and less exertion...

Four beautiful years in Jammu and I forgot Kashmir altogether … it was something I had never expected to happen...

Summers were hot and hotter … winters were cold but not colder … and then there was this monsoon … the month of humidity and sweat... it was the most irritating month … but what made it beautiful in the end was something very special …

After four long years of this experience … finally the degree was over and I came back … back to Kashmir... Which now is altogether new to me .. I feel alienated with the traditions and customs …

Father and me share different views about today … He still fears talking to armed men and I do it casually and without hesitation … He won’t let me out after 8o’ clock and there I used to be out even by 2 at night …

And as I land back to Kashmir and the summer is about to end .. I see the beauty of this place … something I had never enjoyed before …

The Autumn season …

 

While driving alongside my School … I see the mighty Chinars and their golden rusty leaves… the road was full of them … and instantly there was a flashback… with me playing in that heap of leaves and that characteristic rusty smell they give… the crumbling sound that the leaves used to make and that laughter that resounded when someone used to fall on them .. magical …

Autumn was never so cherished before, as I do now … just because things we tend to take for granted are actually the best things in the world …

Why… because, some things remain beautiful if they remain untouched …

Just as Autumn was for me …

If You Remember Me...

When I come to the end of my journey
And I travel my last weary mile
Just forget if you can, that I ever frowned
And remember only the smile

Forget unkind words I have spoken
Remember some good I have done
Forget that I ever had heartache
And remember I've had loads of fun

Forget that I've stumbled and blundered
And sometimes fell by the way
Remember I have fought some hard battles
And won, ere the close of the day

Then forget to grieve for my going
I would not have you sad for a day
But in summer just gather some flowers
And remember the place where I lay

And come in the shade of evening
When the sun paints the sky in the west
Stand for a few moments beside me
And remember only my best



--
hamza ..