Belief, And A Wish..

Closed,

My eyes..

And wished..

In silence,

I speak..

In faith,

It's heard..

A decade,

As if yesterday..

A pollution facial,

A scooty..

--

Have..

Holding,

One ear..

In apology..

Walking,

miles..

There on..

One vision,

One direction..

Two worlds..

One life…

The closest,

is you, I..

--

Just, For Once..

Years,

mean nothing..

If dears,

are not near..

When I 

speak..

Do,

they hear?

I pray 

they do..

For I have,

no means.. 

I hope,

they know..

That detachment,

Only saddens..

Wish,

They ask,

And I say..

For once..

--

Something..

One word,

All I ask…

Have not asked,

anything ever.. 

Feeling,

Something inside..

What am I,

Missing? 

I know not..

--

An End?

Count those,

Blessings..

That are,

Irreplaceable.. 

Nobody knows,

When they're

taken away..

Forever,

Is a very,

long time..

long time.. 

So much,

We miss..

Everything,

After.. 

Is this,

what they,

call ever after?

Or Is There..

And who'll tell..

--

Orange..

I dream,

Of somewhere..

Far Away..

Some place,

and we're all,

walking..

We cross,

paths and you,

look away.. 

Shattered,

but I glimpse,

Neat, Bright..

As always..

--

No..

Believe me,

When I say..

I miss..

What's there,

Left in life..

Nothing..

Ask me,

Am I alright?

--

About Life..

I look around,

And find nothing..

Deep inside,

Hoping for something..

When was it the last,

Who said it will be..

A walk and a dream,

Who said can't still be.. 

That advise,

How will we get.. 

An honest shoulder,

Which tears will wet.. 

We want to stand,

But find no feet..

Our journey this time,

How do I meet..

Thinking,

Praying,

for everything..

--

Dew Drops..

Worrying,

Was all,

I did..

Ever… 

Still do,

And..

Nothing less..

I breathe,

Alive is, 

But who?

For my,

closure is,

an open..

End..

The salt,

Of life..

trickles… 

--

Teary Eyed..

How far, 

Is far..

I'll walk,

just to see..

How long,

Is long..

I'll wait,

just to know..

How,

are you?

--

Time..

Ago,

Four Years..

When,

Discussing,

We were,

A journey..

What,

To carry,

Or leave..

behind.. 

Time,

Carried all,

and behind..

left me..

--

You..

Remember,

When I..

As I,

do..

Do,

As I..

When I,

For Once.. 

Will,

When?

I say,

How much,

I miss..

--

Fine..

One Year,

This time..

Ours,

Was Hours,

The Most..

The Longest,

The Lengthiest..

For One,

Phrase,

In Return..

And,

Just One,

Contentment..

So Praying,

As Long..

For It,

To Be.. 

--

Far, Near, Here, But Where..

One, silence,

they say..

facets,

it clears.

But souls,

it rots..

conscience,

it festers..

Joy passes,

through..

And near

turns far..

We've lived,

many lives..

Died,

many times..

Not In,

one did,

we exist,

unfathomed..

--

..responses

But know,

the reason..

of blocked.

Apologize,

from the heart..

and good to go,

will you be…

In Silence..

--

The Night..

Dream,

I Saw..

Somewhere,

I Was..

Staring

Eyes.. 

From,

A Distance.. 

Speak,

I Wasn't,

Able to.. 

But as If,

Those Eyes,

Had,

To Say.. 

I know,

We Made it,

I Wanted..

To Convey..

They Kept,

Looking..

At Me..

Throughout..

--

First, In Eleven Years..

Lights,

This festival..

and a wish..

For thy

Happiness..

Candles,

all lit,

in it..

This dark,

But mine,

Who will,

take away..

Guide,

Who will..

--

An Escape

Is violence..

--

Reading, It All..

I read,

and,

read again..

Each word,

visible,

twice..

With a,

faint smile,

and a,

teary eye..

I've prayed,

a lot..

one day,

I will tell..

My last,

wish in life..

To be there,

When it's done.. 

--

In Time..

What I mean is,

atleast.. search 

and let, 

me know....

I am doing,

all this with..

a pressure,

in my mind..

Where I,

have to solve..

and submit..

and you,

have a break..

Who knew..

How long..

--

Of Papers..

A Parted,

Part Of,

Me..

Wet,

eyes I,

seek with..

Faint,

smile on,

I have,

As I see,

names engraved..

In books,

that,

the world,

reads.. 

--

My Peace..

When,

It Was,

Our Last.. 

In Silence,

I search..

For words..

From..

That Day,

Till today..

Will it be,

A,

Forever, nobody..

knows…

In dreams,

I ask.. 

In them,

I hear..

In distance,

I search..

For joy..

In pages,

And abstracts,

I look for,

my peace..

--

Yet Again..

Cannot..

explain,

the happiness,

inside..

Many,

more,

will come..

like this one..

In silence,

I pray..

Even if,

In absence,

I stay..

--

Annihilated, Slowly..

If He,

existed..

Word,

would have

reached..

That,

Absence is,

agonizing..

That,

Silence is,

unforgiving..

--

Excerpt : Lost In The Words..

Was reading,

through,

words said,

lived..

Stopped,

when this,

came by and,

eyes turned moist..

like always..

"So much to write.. and with just so much to share...

I stared at the paper.. but there was nothing there...
Didn't need to see it written when I felt it inside...
You just can't force it out.. but I sure as hell tried..."

--

Somewhere..

Sometimes,

short of words..

are we for long..

Sometimes,

the imagination,

takes upon reality..

Words,

unfathomable..

feelings,

unexplainable.. 

Sometimes,

I'm here.. 

but somewhere.. 

is everything else..

That advise,

to reality,

is no more,

nowhere.. 

--

Forever..

When,

Across,

One day,

this comes..

Know,

these prayers,

skipped,

not for,

a bit..

Searching,

everywhere..

Waiting..

--

Are You..

One,

Important,

Real but,

Silent but,

Heedless..

I search,

but in vain..

Before,

my end,

Who'll tell,

How..

--

Badly..

That guitar,

plays a song..

Of silence..

These eyes,

see that dream..

Of words..

Hear me,

Sing,

For once..

For me..

For I miss..

--

Hollowed..

Breath,

in all,

I scream.. 

What will,

it take for,

a dream..

And I

wait..

Say,

it's alright..

it's right,

all of it..

just say..

--

Tomorrow.. ‘12

Will

everything be,

..alright?

Will

I live to,

..see?

--

I Miss..

An emotion

so strong..

That 

words fail .. 

That much..

--

Who..

Do prayers

work or,

Did prayers

work or,

They don't?

Of good,

as I kneel

for,

who'll tell,

it reaches there..

who'll tell?

--

Words of the Salt..

A page,

of the book..

Blank,

Words..

Adrift, Wandering..

A corner,

of the eye..

Collar,

Damp, Saline..

A thought,

of the lost..

Wondering,

what was…

What gives you peace,

hold on to it..

even if it's just silence..

But if peace lives in words,

where do we find them,

who knows…

--

I’m Not..

God knows,

how much..

I remember..

every word…

That words,

fall short..

and what

speaks,

trickles out,

of the eyes..

Remembered,

i'll be not.. 

worth..

--

For Once..

Words,

that bring,

life back.. 

Just once..

Please..

--

Dried, Yes..

Speak,

For attested not,

Is tomorrow…

Foreheads,

pressed,

against..

My back, 

I long..

For once,

just,

speak..

--

Trails..

Of,

Yesterday,

And Today..

Who,

Said far..

Or near..

Yourself,

I see, within..

--

Waiting..

Who'll,

tell me..

What..

Nothing's

alright..

When it's,

taken away..

What I

miss,

Who, knows..

--

For Once..

And,

Who said,

we're apart..

We speak

everyday..

Alright,

you say,

i'm not,

I mumble..

Home,

I think,

I hope,

we did it..

I'll ask,

how it went..

what happened..

one day..

Till then,

I pray..

Says

for once..

--

In Your Cause..

Wrote,

deleted..

Wrote again..

Some drafts,

left as such,

some..

added…

Someone,

insisted not to

share..

so I do it

to myself…

i'm,

nobody,

but my life,

is devoted..

--

I ask..

I remember,

always…

Once,

do you,

ever..?

Maybe,

I'm not,

worth that

time..

--

And Then..

Bloodshot,

your eyes..

Dust,

maybe..

Dust,

in the room..

Ah, then,

Scratched,

maybe..

--

Today..

In,

your own,

find,

you'll find,

peace..

And,

if you,

lose,

you'll lose,

everything..

Even,

solace,

a word..

--

24 ‘12..

At least,

one..

will be..

Not a 

second

without one

thought..

I'm not 

worth a,

reminiscence..

--

‘12 ..

Exactly,

was explaining,

this day,

years ago..

How,

it turned off,

and never,

again..

Years,

forgotten..

in life,

and life after..

Enliven,

and speak,

will they..

Reached,

what I dreamt..

tell me,

will they..

Bring me,

to life,

again,

will they..

--

Down..

Describe

in words,

a scream..

Usual,

Somebody's success,

another's trial..

Unusual,

for both,

a trial..

How much,

is too much..

this life,

For a word,

enough?

Simple,

again,

who'll make..

in obeisance,

I ask..

--

The Last..

No,

The clouds said,

Your sun,

Turned away..

Years ago..

--

Then..

Ten years,

ago today..

Jammu..

--

Us..

Suit,

green and blue..

Glasses,

wide and shining..

A stare,

A dream..

yet silence..

For how long..

Safe,

I pray..

--

How Much..

One day,

when it's known..

please know,

how weak

I was..

Someone said,

don't,

and I could not..

say,

ask..

With,

a tear,

and one,

word..

even when,

I miss.. a lot..

--

Listen..

Today,

not heavy,

not numb..

Helpless,

that of a loser..

Listen,

Hear, to,

This scream..

--

Dark..

Trapped,

In words..

Someone

said once, don't..

And don't..

better,

for their..

All sealed,

casements..

darkened from,

the outside..

I call out,

by all names..

they, outside, don't,

get word.. 

Trapped,

In here, in,

just one..

Is everything,

alright..

Stab,

my apprehension..

or me.. for once..

--

Miserable..

Extremely,

Heavy inside..

One wish,

To know…

Who to ask..

Who to tell..

--

A Few Minutes..

Is all,

to know..

needed..

Never felt,

ever,

so heavy..

--

You..

Choosing,

who's side,

In this..

who's ask did,

we abide,

In this..

hide..

My mind,

who'll liberate..

when,

I miss..

--

Desolate..

Yet again,

hoping,

all right,

Everything…

--

Tribute..

दर्द में भी ये लब मुस्कुरा जाते हैं 
बीते लम्हें हमें जब भी याद आते हैं

चन्द लम्हात के वास्ते ही सही 
मुस्कुरा कर मिली थी मुझे ज़िन्दगी
तेरी आगोश में दिन थे मेरे कटे
तेरी बाहों में थी मेरी रातें कटीं 

आज भी जब वो पल मुझको याद आते हैं
दिल से सारे गमों को भुला जाते हैं

किस कदर तेज़ रफ़्तार थी ज़िन्दगी 
कहकहे हर तरफ़ थी खुशी ही खुशी
मैंने जिस दिन कही प्यार की बात थी 
रुक गई थी अचानक वो बहती नदी

आज भी जब वो दिन मुझको याद आते हैं 
गुज़रे लम्हें ज़हन में उभर आते हैं 

I sang because he inspired..

I kept going because they inspired..

You parted ways,

leaving memories,

and songs…

But words..

Irony..

Hopes,

to be in,

'we'..

And,

removed,

from you..

--

Matters..

The,

first two..

lines in every..

Happened,

Conversation..

--

Well..

I fought,

over,

tenacity..

I fight,

over,

breath..

Times..

--

More..

And Speak,

if you must..

Life silenced,

but everyone..

--

Remember..

Somebody,

asks..

How..

My eyes,

I close..

And…

Pray,

Bliss,

my split..

there, their..

I,

ache for..

beyond..

--

There..

I cite,

recite..

everything..

In pride,

I search,

everywhere..

When

they say,

i've lost..

Myself,

I look up,

in lift offs..

graphs,

in references..

And wait,

for life, my,

there..

--

Prayers..

For,

every step,

taken..

mistaken..

Of,

love, and 

hurt..

I know,

i'm heard,

bridges..

If,

all are,

broken..

Seven

months,

years,

counting…

In prayers..

--

Close..

How,

close is too,

close they

ask..

In silence,

I hear,

I say..

In a crowd,

I see,

I say..

To God,

I swear,

I hear..

I say;

--

Last Moments..

Every,

minute that,

passes…

I remember..

Wondering,

if I'm too..

Am I worth

any second..

--

One day..

Sometimes,

And other

times..

A walk,

long..

A wait,

longer..

A hope,

unbroken..

One day

we'll speak,

lighten hearts,

over..

--

One Corner..

For that,

One word..

Lives,

I'll give mine..

Palms,

Over the face..

Hiding away,

Each day,

That passes..

Hoping one,

just one wail,

is heard, 

that side..

Remorseful,

I am,

if you ask..

--

Just One..

Grueling,

That prayer,

For Belongingness..

Waiting,

For One Word..

--

No Window..

Heavy,

Who to tell..

--

Feeling..

Sometimes,

I go impaired..

to the world,

outside..

Looking,

out the window..

a breeze

blowing in,

my cheeks..

Then, I hear,

those words..

Sometimes,

we might be too close.. 

And then I feel it..

But, who,

to tell.. 

--

Still..

Strength,

gave,

Those words..

I pray,

for once..

--

Did We?

Everyone

awaits…

Some

Fortune,

Progress,

superlative..

But,

here it's,

a word.. 

just one.. 

"Did"..

And I 

ask,

myself to,

wait; breathe.. 

maybe.. 

--

Schizop..

Ties,

All broken..

channels

all died.. 

Yet

I hope..

i'll speak one

day.. 

Say,

what..

it's like to,

imagine…

and passing..

--

Still..

Two days,

past..Still,

expecting..

Thinking,

how much..

agony,

before solace..

Do we

deserve,

this silence..

--

Numb..

And then,

today..

break that

vow made.. 

I look up

to,

the dark sky..

saying all

that's, to be

said..

hoping..

dreams come,

true.. 

--

Two Minds..

Scattered,

these thoughts..

Trembling,

these fingers..

Want to say,

fall short of words..

Once unreservedly,

words fell off,

Now in fear,

in reluctance,

they die within..

Losing, out

of all the things,

this kills, much..

A little wish,

for welfare, 

for good;

for progress,

to hear.. 

One day..

--

Forced Away..

Yesterday,

A thought 

far..

Today,

A shivering 

hand..

With

No remedy,

to this ailment.. 

--

Blurred..

What cure,

better

than..

known words;

In silence

we die..

In search,

For that year

that January.. 

--

Saudade..

Never 

kept well,

And we,

Know why… 

Pray,

For the sun..

May this long,

night end.. 

Until I get word,

I'm forever laid up..

Will God, send word..

--

Strong, But..

One day

when you'll see,

this you'll know..

This beseech,

of mine,

just to know..

you're fine..

you're focused..

And say,

I breathe..

to pray..

--

Waiting..

In every prayer,

I ask,

not for myself,

have never..

In every submission,

I wish,

not for myself,

have never… 

I search,

in anticipation,

each day,

hoping..

--

Tomorrow..

I ask

everyday,

in silence..

In silence

everyday,

to the tempest

within..

How's 

everything and,

Did we

make it..

In silence,

I tell myself..

yes, surely and

tomorrow.. 

--

Fractured Lines..

One day,

when this will be known,

They'll tell apart..

That words,

never expound,

That within heart.. 

That reticence,

sedated,

but didn't cure,

And we kneel.. 

--

As One..

Waiting

For this long day

to end..

They said

tomorrow,

it will be fine..

They know not,

there's,

no tomorrow..

There hasn't been

one,

in silence… 

I wish,

this silence 

speaks and

ends finally,

this wait;

--

Care..

Everything's fine,

This

nostrum..

Say,

Which pharmacy

will provide… 

--

The Long..

They ask

how I ended up like this..

I tell myself

it was my unheard sincere prayers.. 

my requests

And my oyster,

lost the only pearl..

--

Stage ..

When was it easy?

Never. 

What healed you?

The words in twelve,

The silence in forty three,

The laughter in sixty two,

The softness in forty three,

The asks in twenty eight…

This one is chronic. It will not heal.

I'll wait.

What's your remedy?

Short, but powerful..

--

Dark..

One day,

when this crosses by

we'll know

That what's a

root

without 

a shoot,

what's a 

branch

without leaves .. 

If there's

food

without 

water… 

One day,

when this crosses by

we'll know

how much

that word means,

wiping that salt,

needs a known square.. 

I wait for mine… 

the guiding light

--

Of Truth, Thoroughly..

There was,

who said one day,

I'll guide,

through thin..

With a

liver, 

something like Eighty Eight;

Then a curse,

which was,

so honest..

who wouldn't want

to have… 

Then a prayer

for it to be true,

And the pro,

And the statitis..

And no geny..

God listens..

Maybe, in honesty..

--

Roots, Fruits And Leaves..

And then again, we're in strange worlds,

Gathering the pieces of a lively past,

Strange as it may seem, the known ones,

And a realization that nothing will last

They say it is temporary, pain and joy.

I ask what then is permanent and true. 

They walk away, smiling and humming..

While I stand there looking for some clue..

In the end it doesn't matter after all,

Joy and pain, and the association

They're emotions, have depth in difference

So, when they say, it's temporary, they lie..

Fate of fruits if you see could be unjust,

Of the leaves, they spring, grow, give,

And fall together, on the same ground..

Sometimes, a small distance apart.. 

Archives of (October 19, 2019)

--

Wording, Rewording..

Everything is fixed,

Except actions,

And Reactions…

We react,

On the act,

Give In,

To pestering..

Sometimes 

we lose ourselves,

Sometimes,

even more… 

Nobody can know

the depth,

the emotion,

except oneself;

Nobody else..

--

In Fasting..

Day-1 of a fasting,

5 prayers in a day..

Each prayer,

One thought… 

Safety,

Happiness,

Smiles that matter… 

Even if,

In silence… 

--

That Sinking..

Some days,

It feels real..

That something,

is not in it's place..

You look around,

Hopelessly..

Praying,

that

It's safe..

--

The Wish..

He awaits,

For salvation..

Imagining,

Like a schizophrenic,

In reality,

awaiting clemency..

For a villainy

Never done,

For a prayer,

put together..

--

In Forever..

Years,

Days,

Minutes… 

Metrics the same,

Prayers, the same,

Belief the same;

We're leaves 

of the same branch, 

on the same tree…

In spring we'll grow,

In autumn we'll fall,

together … 

--

That Freedom..

What once was,

And overridden by another..

Who knows what,

Tales take a lifetime;

To describe,

To comprehend..

--

Hoping..

Hoping,

this spring,

Brings colors everywhere..

Birds 

will sing,

The flowers will fruit…

--

A Travel..

Remembering words,

Brings smiles,

Then tears..

In a world so uncomfortable,

Few words do justice,

And, silence doesn't comfort..

Sometimes,

Presence soothes; than

Absence..

--

Remember …

In time,

places,

people;

In deeds,

misdeeds,

words,

and silences;

In dots,

and asterisks;

In something,

and everything else… 

Some things are priceless..

--

Feeling..

This strength to breathe,

Is derived..

Source somewhere,

I feel exists…

--

Family..

We fought.. We learnt..

We grew..

We cried.. We laughed..

Anything for that smile.. 

Was done, without hesitation.. 

And prayers, 

Needless to say..

Dreams..

Unexplained, but true.. 

Distance is just temporary..

Care, indelible… 

--

For Once..

The veil that was,

Broke as many times… 

Will the sun rise again?

When even the prayers are outdone.. 

Will the wait end.. 

--

Now..

Imagining a conversation..

In reality.. 

So much for care..

In prayer..

--

And..

In silence we shall find..

What in a hustling crowd we could not… 

Happiness.. 

What is lost.. Shall be found..

--

The Arrival Gate..

Falling apart is not part of life.. 

Falling to pieces should not be either..

It's man made, it's unreal.. 

Prayers trickling in subconscious?

Affection is real.. A nursed cause.. 

Some song..

Like the stars hold the moon,
Right there where they belong
And I know I'm not alone..

--

In Prayers..

He will listen,

When nobody else will..

He will change hurt to healing,

He will put back the smile on every face..

He will never distance … 

Pleading in humility.. 

That's how He listens..

--

Of Silence..

Bliss,

Contentment.. 

A song,

A guitar.. 

One Day.. 

Some Day.. 

Till then,

Some prayers..

Some words..

--

Dark..

Someone explains,

Somebody's fine.. 

To someone,

About someone..  

Silence is gold,

But words, a silver lining..

Full moons are pretty,

Half moons, divine or cursed..

No moons… 

--

Black & Grey..

What makes times tough..

Its the thoughts about not knowing what we always knew.. 

Also, one liners are a get away.. 

Long pages wash away in salt… 

--

Need..

Money?

No, it doesn't matter.. 

Sympathy?

Yes, but it doesn't exist..

--

Colloquy..

Speak,

It's the only way to vent out.. 

Bring out all in yourself, empty that heart..

A mirror,

If not to a person..

If nobody wants to hear.. 

Speak,

Because silence is cruel..

Laugh,

At those lame jokes..

At everything, because it's precious.. 

Fight,

Because it's worth..

Because it's important.. 

But Live,

In words..

In silence.. 

In that care..

--

In Truth..

'What's life?', They asked.

'I am fine.', He replied.

--

That Inspiration..

They look at it, fixed, thinking..

Process and prepare a logical answer..

One that no stupidity can intrude..

You sense that immensely.. 

Some minds are beautifully inspiring!

--

The Summer Of ‘17

A few things that happen outside the intent, change the course of life.. 

Thinking things will be better, for good, one tries things.. And these things somehow even with good intentions, turn dark and burns bridges..

There's a reason why they call a sick person in a hospital, a patient… It's because it takes patience to get back to feet after falling sick..

Falling sick also brings out the inner strength of a person.. how else would a patient wake up early, and kick the attendant who's in deep sleep … An attendant is weak if you ask me.. The patient, patiently strong…

When one falls off a two wheeler, gets blue under the skin and yet manages life as well as work as if nothing really has happened… When even the metal like a key can bend and break, a patiently strong person makes it out safely.. Speaks volumes about the patience one can possess …

And then there's circumstances, that one cannot foresee, cannot predict .. They bring one down.. 

Only a strong one, a patient one, can make it back to the top.. The rest completely fade away … 

A strong person needs nobody..  A weak one looks for even a twig… 

That summer taught that the winter is not for the weak, but the patient ..

--

2012 through 2017 to 2022 ..

Gham ka khazana tera bhi hai, mera bhi
Yeh nazraana tera bhi hai mera bhi..

Apane gham ko geet banaakar, gaa lena
Raag puraana tera bhi hai, mera bhi..

Gham ka khazana tera bhi hai, mera bhi..

--