Lost In The Words ..

My inspiration had disappeared in the haze..
Lost my creativity.. but I was left unfazed
With so much time left to live and learn..
I believed they would once again return...

So much to write.. and with just so much to share...
I stared at the paper.. but there was nothing there...
Didn't need to see it written when I felt it inside...
You just can't force it out.. but I sure as hell tried...

I had gone to another dark place within my mind..
Fooling myself and everyone else that I was fine...
Rather than panic.. I had gone manic.. losing control...
Feeling myself rot inside as denial had taken its toll...

As the internal pain and agony slowly began to subside..
It had unlocked all the emotions I had bottled up inside...
I realized that I had nearly lost my life yet again..
And learned that this isn't how it's going to end...

They must have seen something in me.. I'm not sure what they had found..
But I imagine it must have been good.. after all they had stayed around...
Here I am feeling worthless now.. just like this dirt here on the ground..
Because deep down I know.. that I was the one who has let them down...

If I could right each and every wrong.. you must know that I would..
And to go back in the past.. oh how I wish and dream that I could...
There is something else that I realize that I must do.. I really know I should..
And that is.. not to just say goodbye for now.. but to say just stay
If you could...


--
hamza ..

Over Patience and Silence ..

Strange -
The journey set upon,
for I have never traveled ..
seeking just to close in finally ..
on home. I would see it only ..
as an inference laid bare ..
as I would strip away each incident ..
that stained it, cover it with ..
physicality, expose it to ..
the mothering of earth and sky ..
and finally betray it with a death or .. life,
which to be valid ..
must include each other..

And that is just beginning..
Intangibles are stubborn beasts,
and where was I? I could no longer ..
wrap myself in second-hand opinions,
assumed cachet, or ..
the wisdom of my peers..
Time ..and its attendant rite ..
already hastened those along ..

But consciousness is in control..
Its mentor is the sun,
I, its pale moon with no light ..
of its own, its surface shallow,
with serenity I do not feel...
One alone with quiet thought ..
finds time's reward draws closer still..
Who am I .. ?

An imposter, I may well conclude ..
and in a breath, a thief,
who stole another's air..

I'm an irony to my grave ..

Remembering Him ...

When silence prevailed through the thickness of the air and the colors of life had faded away .. When a wish was not just a wish but a heartfelt, back-bent and prostrated cry for help .. A request with a bent head and folded arms ... A hope with a tear of expectation .. I felt Him ...

It was like the days that passed .. The days when silence would mean a conversation.. When even less words said did mean more ...

I was up on my feet, flooded with plead ... I was on my knees, burdened with myself .. The unrighteous me 'had departed' ... The truthful me was there right within my eyes ...

I know not what I asked for .. I just stood there with my empty hands in the taking ...

He knows what is best .. And I only expect kindness ...
I've been away .. All this while .. And maybe He wanted me to taste defeat and bow again, more humbly, more eagerly, and more devoutly ...

So here I am again .. I admit I lost, and I always will against you, because you always know what's best and you, no doubt, know what is right ..

I've been shown the way, by your beloved .. By your angel ...

And I plead, for the Joy and Blessings , for that act ... I know you know better .. I know you know what I do not .. And I stand here with my empty hands in the taking ..

Let the righteous be done .. Let the best happen .. Let that one roof remain under which, the house stands grounded ..

I pray ..


-- Sent from iPhone

Dreams ..

There are some, that dwell within us...

But find no way out ..

We live in so many .. We live for so less of them ...

Sad ..

--
hamza ..

And Then ..

Sometimes I wish I was a bird ..
Soaring high in the sky with..
Fervor beyond imagination just ..
To fly away from this world so unreal...
Sometimes I try to bring down..
The castles that I've made within...
My eyes and which make me think..
That I'm not alone even when I am...
Sometimes my words let me down..
And I feel I should give them up..
But at the end of the day, I see again..
My tears, my joy .. flowing out with the ink..
And they make me realise, that..
With every drop of ink that splatters..
The moments have gone tedious and good
And what's next .. Will be prosperity and goodwill..
8-11-2011 ..

--
hamza ..